Oh boy..today is already starting out rough for me. I woke up this morning just like any other day. Took my daughter to school as normal. On the way home the grief hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt as though someone was sucking the life right out of my body. And the tears...my goodness the tears. They just won't stop. The sadness I am feeling is overwhelming. I did not expect this to happen to me. I knew today I would be sad. I knew I would ache. But never, not even once, did I think I would feel this helpless. My soul is crying out and my spirit feels as though it is dying today. And I cannot stop the tears. I thought I would feel anger..against those that had harmed us. At this point in time there isn't even one ounce of anger coming from me. I would rather be angry..I want to be angry. I want to hate, scream, and curse. But I can't even seem to muster up one thought of disgust. All I can feel is sadness. My whole body is weak with grief. It's as though the sadness of thousands of people has been brought down upon me. And more tears. Even as I was playing with my youngest daughter this morning, the tears were falling. She reached her precious tiny hand up to face and wiped the tears away. She said to me...Mommy cry. Owwie all gone. I just scooped her up in my arms and held her. Oh dear God thank you for the life you have given me. I know the sadness will fade...and life will resume as normal. But...today...I cry.
Lia
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