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in the sun

Contributed by the_Ghost_Moth on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 04:54:03 PM in AEST
Topic: Grief





tonight i'll leave the world
and run up to the moon
into a darker night,
to burn away...

i'll be brightly splendid orange,
a star standing atop a hill,
falling down
on its face...

i'll throw a black flag of smoke
into the pale yellow skies of dawn,
all that's left of me played with by a breeze
that spins around in circles

like a child on top of a hill

if i fall too hard i will not cry...
and tomorrow,
laughing again,
i will play
in the sun


~

--by Ghost Moth
copyright 2005

~~~
rewritten march 30 2005
original draft Dec 27, 2004




Copyright © the_Ghost_Moth ... [ 2005-03-30 16:54:03]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 05:05:17 PM AEST
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This is a great poem. Thanks for your comments on my poem as well. There is an eloquence about your style of writing. I can't quite put my finger on it. You are very adept, this poem is a great confidence builder.


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 05:14:24 PM AEST
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This poem is beautiful!!! I only wish i could write like this............


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Jackee_line on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 05:38:31 PM AEST
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Well done, enjoyed the read


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Overstated on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 06:31:14 PM AEST
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I thought this was an excellent piece and i'm glad you chose to share it - really liked the lines 'i'll throw a black flag of smoke
into the pale yellow skies of dawn,'

overall i thought the poem flowed really well and that you have suceeded in producing a piuece of art


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 07:01:27 PM AEST
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" all that's left of me played with by a breeze ...
that spins around in circles

like a child on top of a hill"

That has some power there. I really like the images I get here. When you get there ... bark at the dark side for me as well ... Mom says I can't come out and play tonight !!! LOL

Nazzy ~


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 08:13:28 PM AEST
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if i fall too hard i will not cry...
and tomorrow,
laughing again,
i will play
in the sun

You have a way about you Mothy, and it breathes in your words.

Nice job.
mj


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 09:06:05 PM AEST
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A beautiful and powerful poem. You express your deep heartfelt emotions well.


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Les4567 on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 10:31:36 PM AEST
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Very nice descriptions. You really painted a picture. Very nice poem. Keep on writing!

~Les


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 10:58:04 PM AEST
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that was an excellent write, each stanza pulling me further in. I've read it several times now, it is one of my favorites. Thankyou for sharing. Peace to you. Laura


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 07:11:41 AM AEST
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ohh brilliant, so brilliant. loved this,have missed your poems so much,
pix xx


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 08:28:45 AM AEST
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You are really depressing me. You write with so much behind your words it hits me in the face and the heart. So I ask you this, can I come?


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 09:39:37 AM AEST
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Oh.. this is so.. uh..a word for sad, that isn't sad?
Ok, seriously, what's up?
This is an amazing write, you have used a stunning metaphor here, I love the thought of running to the moon, and it is a thought that has crossed my mind before, but you've written it better than I could.

I hope you are OK, but if you need to chat you know where to find me,
Phil


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 04:18:23 PM AEST
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What a sad write, whats up Ghosty?
This was depressing and yet you really did an excellent job on composing this.
You really are a talented poet, keep up the good work handsome.

Jane


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 05:19:25 AM AEST
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This is great, it kinda reminds me of limbo, have you ever seen what dreams may come with Robin Williams, kind of like that, a wonderful world to be stuck in with no jurt no pain your just there, I like that, just like a happy memorie repeated again and again in ur mind
XOXOXJill


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:53:20 AM AEST
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I was wondrously surprised to have read such a lovely poem.

Now I want to play in the sun.

As I read it a second time, I read it aloud. It sounded so pleasant and it is a gorgeous poem.

Kie


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by waos on Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:19:11 PM AEST
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I really liked how you ended it. Good job, this was really cool and original
and yeah... awesome.

~Waos/Kara


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 6th April 2005 @ 12:49:42 PM AEST
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Wow...well done Mothy! well done!!


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on Wednesday, 6th April 2005 @ 09:20:22 PM AEST
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Nice one Ghosty....this is a wonderful piece..but you already know you rock....thanks for sharing it with us lessor bards....

Carol


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on Thursday, 7th April 2005 @ 09:22:54 PM AEST
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I really like this. It's full of so much emotion.
Hope and despair at the same time.
These lines were really good:
"i'll throw a black flag of smoke
into the pale yellow skies of dawn,
all that's left of me played with by a breeze
that spins around in circles"


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on Friday, 8th April 2005 @ 03:16:13 AM AEST
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this write rocks.
great job mothy.


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by brew on Saturday, 16th April 2005 @ 05:32:02 PM AEST
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Very creative, and in style write.......feels the emotions that flowed.
Thank you for sharing!

Brew~


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on Sunday, 17th April 2005 @ 06:27:31 AM AEST
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******brilliant ****Ghost Moth

oh" playing in the sun"....sounds devine!

cheers!~


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 07:49:20 PM AEST
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beautiful... truely beautiful... hugs n' love nessa

@->>->:-


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on Friday, 6th May 2005 @ 03:07:41 AM AEST
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You have a real knack for story-telling. It seems everytime you open your mouth there's a poem waiting to be born....Scorp.


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 17th September 2005 @ 05:10:45 PM AEST
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I'm not sure if I missed something here, but I didn't find this
depressing. Maybe I AM missing something, but I liked it
very much. Your imagery is astounding Ghosty. But then, it
always was. Well done. I can't wait to read more!

~Breezy


Re: in the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on Tuesday, 11th April 2006 @ 11:03:03 AM AEST
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Great poem.. Well written and i enjoyed reading this..

take care
christina




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