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Array
(
[sid] => 116475
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => This is How We Used to Walk
[time] => 2006-03-15 18:35:06
[hometext] => First in a while and I'm not sure if it's what it should be. Thank you, Phil.
[bodytext] => He gets off on lies.
Sucking on intricacies, he traps
small deceptions beneath his tongue:
slick shreds of skin
torn in butterfly-fragments, clumped, dysphoric,
no idea
where the blood is.
But that’s fine.
On his knees, scraping skin
from his ankles,
he tells me
this is how we used to walk;
barest hints of words
blurred around the edges.
With flecks of a husk
between his teeth
and on his lips, flesh on flesh,
it’s hard to talk.
I think I could swallow me up
around the edges, he says
too soft to hear
himself (he doesn’t dare),
spitting contrivances like owl pellets
when he can’t find
the roof of his mouth anymore.
[comments] => 8
[counter] => 602
[topic] => 21
[informant] => ShadowDaughter
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 25
[ratings] => 5
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => Lifepoems
)
This is How We Used to Walk
Contributed by
ShadowDaughter
on
Wednesday, 15th March 2006 @ 06:35:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
He gets off on lies.
Sucking on intricacies, he traps
small deceptions beneath his tongue:
slick shreds of skin
torn in butterfly-fragments, clumped, dysphoric,
no idea
where the blood is.
But that’s fine.
On his knees, scraping skin
from his ankles,
he tells me
this is how we used to walk;
barest hints of words
blurred around the edges.
With flecks of a husk
between his teeth
and on his lips, flesh on flesh,
it’s hard to talk.
I think I could swallow me up
around the edges, he says
too soft to hear
himself (he doesn’t dare),
spitting contrivances like owl pellets
when he can’t find
the roof of his mouth anymore.
Copyright ©
ShadowDaughter
... [
2006-03-15 18:35:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by guiltycircles on
Wednesday, 15th March 2006 @ 06:39:22 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| this is very intricate and haunting, well done |
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by boobiepeach on
Wednesday, 15th March 2006 @ 06:54:29 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
refreshingly uniuue
i like this a hole lot
thank you for the hope in wrighting again
peach |
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 15th March 2006 @ 06:57:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
You're welcome, sweetie. I am really glad you posted this.
I love that second stanza, and the title line is just wonderful and fits really well. It really hits me.
I like the small deceptions line, and uh, the whole of the last stanza. Ok, maybe I just like it all.
Great write, sweetie, and welcome back ;)
*hugs*
Phil xxx |
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 16th March 2006 @ 12:28:54 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
It has been awhile....Welcome back.
I enjoy watching you grow through your work. Amongst all the bitterness I feel in this, I hope I glimpse an objectivity in you that sets you apart not only from it, but from knowing whatever else you hold at arms length.
Again, welcome back...you have been missed. |
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 19th March 2006 @ 05:59:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
He gets off on lies.
Sucking on intricacies, he traps
small deceptions beneath his tongue:
Omg! these opening lines! you sure someone didn't tell you about me when I was a teenager! (I was so full of s*** then nothings changed much!)
Seriously ...excellent writing.
J. |
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on
Sunday, 2nd April 2006 @ 03:56:34 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I don't know... it doesn't feel the same. I've come to expect so much from you... good to see an update though! |
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Monday, 29th October 2007 @ 04:35:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Angry poetry mostly either rushes by too quickly, or stings, slapping one insult after another, just yelling. This was somewhere else. You were looking down on him and shaking your head in disdain, and quite poetically, might I add. Well done.
Take care,
David |
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Re: This is How We Used to Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fawkes on
Thursday, 30th July 2009 @ 02:15:33 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I am impressed lol. I really like this poem- I too am a college student, and this really demonstrated to me that we do not all stick to the conformities of poetry. Very, very good; it was like a breath of fresh air.
If you wouldn't mind reading my poem titled 'How,' I would be grateful for any comments from such a talented poet.
Iziah Fawkes |
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