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Array
(
[sid] => 98952
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => A Not Secret Secret
[time] => 2005-06-22 10:58:08
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => A not so secret secret Don't blame me if you find me lying, a deadened corpse in a lake of blood. For the curse i have, within me. It's just a broken womens heart. You bring some bright light into my shadowed exsistence. It's just my escpae from my lies that i hold from everyone. Ironic. The reason why i don't have a fate line. You don't want to know why i hit you that way. One ultimate one, i'm not who everyone thinks i am. Everyone hides behind something. Hoping maybe someone will see them, and know who i am. I'm not really in control of myself. Without anyone knowing. I just want to run away to somewhere where no one knows my past or where i've come from, where i can live a different life. I want one kiss, to break my spell, that my dear you can't offer. I wish i don't have to hurt you. You look to me with such trust, when you trust so few and i want to stab myself deep in my heart and pluck it out so i won't love you so i won't care this much. For you, becuse god knows it's tearing me apart. So i cry and scream out loud in my heart and tear and rip at the seams and stitches and burn the burnt scars on my soul. And i've had my beatings, and i've had my kicks when i've been done. I've had this guilt for way too long, guilty for being what and who i am. Still my spell hasn't been broken. And when they cut me, i'll bleed silver stars. I remember in their beds, in the girls toilets that i was their godess of *****. Where they gone now? Happy familys with their guys and girls. But they won't forget who was best. Something they always loved. Same thing all the time. Of making their heads go back, of making them scream when they think they can't hold back anymore. Even though everything else happened. Is that too obvious for you, did i just ***** you bubble now? Covered in scars and burns and tears too deep that leave marks. I HATE YOU ALL. Do you know about my dreams, my secret dark fantasies, my sickened love for certain people. Keep everything ***** happy. Just a caged bird kept inside, and slowly she dies so painfully, having her bones crushed by the metal bars that lock her in. I kissed you in my dream, i kissed you in my heaven, i watched the sunrise with you on the morning of my wedding, and we didn't move till sunset, we just slept all day on the grass in that cool summer underneath that blossom tree, where gentle blossom fell on us, you, dressed like in mourning, me, dressed like something innocent and pure like a long time ago, so far that i can't remember. When i'll be deaded with medicational drugs, and tests. And i'll just be a patient number. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 162 [topic] => 65 [informant] => harlot20 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => toughstuff )
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