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Array ( [sid] => 9894 [catid] => 1 [aid] => Mick [title] => Nightmares [time] => 2003-01-06 21:40:00 [hometext] => old [bodytext] => I got up this morning
And unlike in the past
I came upon within myself
A demon I could not surpass

His eyes black and shining bright
Stared deeply into mine
Destroying every inch of hope
That not even I could find

He grabbed me by the arm
Then shook me left and right
And within his forceful hold
I lost myself and could not fight

The room began to spin
Then suddenly I collapsed
But when I fell there was no pan
And my body began to relax

Falling farther into space
Never looking back
I felt my fears began to fade
Until there came a smack

Reality began to take control
As I opened up my eyes
I saw things as they were before
And began my life of lies [comments] => 2 [counter] => 246 [topic] => 13 [informant] => HUMGIRL18 [notes] => [ihome] => 1 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Nightmares

Contributed by HUMGIRL18 on Monday, 6th January 2003 @ 09:40:00 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

I got up this morning
And unlike in the past
I came upon within myself
A demon I could not surpass

His eyes black and shining bright
Stared deeply into mine
Destroying every inch of hope
That not even I could find

He grabbed me by the arm
Then shook me left and right
And within his forceful hold
I lost myself and could not fight

The room began to spin
Then suddenly I collapsed
But when I fell there was no pan
And my body began to relax

Falling farther into space
Never looking back
I felt my fears began to fade
Until there came a smack

Reality began to take control
As I opened up my eyes
I saw things as they were before
And began my life of lies

Copyright © HUMGIRL18 ... [ 2003-01-06 21:40:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Nightmares (User Rating: 1 )
by ghostbear on Wednesday, 8th January 2003 @ 12:20:07 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Quatrain structure is okay-nice try. Metaphor attempt is nice. However, rewrite, rewrite!
clean ut out the garbage words and it's okay not to tell what it's about. Let it have it's own life and meaning.

Next time- try a shower.-ghostbear

Re: Nightmares (User Rating: 1 )
by sararose1950 on Saturday, 31st December 2005 @ 08:26:12 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

interesting as if the nightmare was the reality- thank you for sharing.......Peace and Light

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