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Drown
Contributed by
jimmato
on
Monday, 6th June 2005 @ 09:44:03 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Such tepid brine to bathe in beads upon her skin
Flaxen hair as silk against the mercury
Silver lining stretched taught over supple lips
Death blue eyes in moonshine garrotte sinks teeth in
Why do you leave me all alone?
Unattainable, yet still I yearn for you
A broken man sits in a broken world
I want to hurt you in water entombed.
Golden sands stained red and swallowed by the depths
Exhaled air to mar the surface of the glass
Crystal shards to puncture holes within the pool
Red-eyed cry tears to shine a cord to cause her death
Copyright ©
jimmato
... [
2005-06-06 09:44:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Monday, 6th June 2005 @ 09:49:33 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Great detail in this piece, but to me the first stanza didn't quite fit with the second and third....I think you have a good concept going though it you just tweak it a bit.
Scorp. |
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Re: Drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 6th June 2005 @ 10:28:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| loved this poem. it was very well written and i just had to give it a five. thanks for your vote and the reviews. |
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Re: Drown
(User Rating: 1 )
by MILLER_GENUINE_SWINE on
Friday, 4th May 2007 @ 09:40:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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SEEMS A BIT OVER WRITTEN
SIMPLICITY CAN DO WONDERS
BUT A GOOD PIECE |
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