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Array ( [sid] => 96186 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => I'd be Happy [time] => 2005-05-29 16:43:59 [hometext] => Please use harsh criticism [bodytext] => Without you I’m freezing cold,
Without you I cannot live.
With you I’ll grow happy and old,
With you I’d be happy to forgive.

I cannot give you the stars,
I cannot give you luxury.
Together the world is ours,
Together we won’t be in misery.

I’ll be the one you need most,
I’ll be the one you can always find.
I’ll be the one that’s like a ghost,
I’ll be the one that’s in your mind.

If you’ll let me take your hand,
If you’ll let me comfort you.
I’ll take you to your dreamland,
I’ll take you and write a haiku.

Without you I’m freezing cold,
Without you I cannot live.
You’re my highly valued gold,
You’re my wish I won’t outlive. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 152 [topic] => 2 [informant] => Mild_Tempest [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

I'd be Happy

Contributed by Mild_Tempest on Sunday, 29th May 2005 @ 04:43:59 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

Without you I’m freezing cold,
Without you I cannot live.
With you I’ll grow happy and old,
With you I’d be happy to forgive.

I cannot give you the stars,
I cannot give you luxury.
Together the world is ours,
Together we won’t be in misery.

I’ll be the one you need most,
I’ll be the one you can always find.
I’ll be the one that’s like a ghost,
I’ll be the one that’s in your mind.

If you’ll let me take your hand,
If you’ll let me comfort you.
I’ll take you to your dreamland,
I’ll take you and write a haiku.

Without you I’m freezing cold,
Without you I cannot live.
You’re my highly valued gold,
You’re my wish I won’t outlive.

Copyright Â© Mild_Tempest ... [ 2005-05-29 16:43:59]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: I'd be Happy (User Rating: 1 )
by Doriens_Picture on Sunday, 29th May 2005 @ 05:49:43 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

awe

If you’ll let me take your hand,
If you’ll let me comfort you.
I’ll take you to your dreamland,
I’ll take you and write a haiku

I LIkes alot

and this is where i get harsh

if you will be like a ghost how is she supposed to hold you hand

Re: I'd be Happy (User Rating: 1 )
by poet70 on Sunday, 29th May 2005 @ 08:06:07 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I liked the poem, and here is my harshness also, the ghost thing just DID NOT WORK for me either, I think it would of maybe worked better if you would have put in there,

Together you and I will go to the coast.
Or
I'll be the one to take you to the coast.
or added ocean in there
it rymes with the word most.
But you know what, I still liked it, it was just the ghost thing that did not fit in the poem. Keep writing ok, cos you do have a talant for writing, and anyone who asks for tough comments, is really wanting to fine tune that talant and I really have to give you allot of credit for that, and because of that I am giving you a 4* vote on the poem, the ghost knocked it down from a 5*, sorry.
Tammi

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