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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	29-May 19:49:39 AEST

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Array ( [sid] => 96084 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => This smile [time] => 2005-05-28 15:39:36 [hometext] => Comments greatly appreciated =) [bodytext] => This!
Happiness disgusts me
This
Smile sickens me

It is a broken man
Who walks carefree amidst
Gleaming towers
Carrying easily the golden sun
Upon his shoulders

I ache for a cold
Bullet
In a quiet
Corner

Of desolation

The symathy of a single one
Passing
In the blink of eternity
The moment that realses the tradgedy
And is shaken

Warm breeze
Dancing sky
Damn this freedom

I long for the splinters of a broken cage
Door ajar
Yet fear of the shadow beyond
Stills

Inside
Quivering
Wide, bright eyes
Anticipate ultimate liberty

Bones rust
Blood crumbles
Mind screaming
[comments] => 2 [counter] => 200 [topic] => 64 [informant] => marshmalloska [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => ambiguous )

This smile

Contributed by marshmalloska on Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 03:39:36 PM in AEST
Topic: ambiguous

This!
Happiness disgusts me
This
Smile sickens me

It is a broken man
Who walks carefree amidst
Gleaming towers
Carrying easily the golden sun
Upon his shoulders

I ache for a cold
Bullet
In a quiet
Corner

Of desolation

The symathy of a single one
Passing
In the blink of eternity
The moment that realses the tradgedy
And is shaken

Warm breeze
Dancing sky
Damn this freedom

I long for the splinters of a broken cage
Door ajar
Yet fear of the shadow beyond
Stills

Inside
Quivering
Wide, bright eyes
Anticipate ultimate liberty

Bones rust
Blood crumbles
Mind screaming

Copyright © marshmalloska ... [ 2005-05-28 15:39:36]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: This smile (User Rating: 1 )
by MorningGlory on Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 03:57:39 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Very clever.
I like how you set the poem to the page.
Very good.

Re: This smile (User Rating: 1 )
by rockergirl94 on Sunday, 11th September 2005 @ 05:55:16 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I think the format that you typed the poem in really suits the poem, how you put it into so many lines. It makes it seem as if they are the thoughts racing through your mind. I really like the part when you wrote, "I ache for a cold bullet in a quiet corner..." Something about it just stays with me.

I also like how you said "Warm breeze, dancing sky, damn this freedom". There is such a contrast going from the good emotion of the first part, to cursing it. It really makes it stick out.

Great job, and keep it up

keep writing, keep hoping
- Julie

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