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Array
(
[sid] => 95718
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Can You See Me Now ?
[time] => 2005-05-25 12:54:41
[hometext] => I was playing with rhyme in 4/4 time ... start out slow, pick it up as you go
[bodytext] => ~
Please take a look
Inside the cover
Of this book
And you will see
Just what it took
For me to be
Still standing here
While you are filled
Consumed with fear
And in your eyes
You can’t disguise
Or try to hide
From all your lies
No compromise
No second chance
You paid to dance
Can’t find the floor
Trapped in a room
Without a door
And nothing
Matters any more
~
Deception flows
As distrust grows
When all you know
Has been bestowed
On someone else
And they’re to blame
For all your pain
Nothing is gained
The heart remains
True to its cause
Despite the flaws
Natural laws
Dictate defeat
Strong kill the weak
And then delete
Trace evidence
In present tense
It makes no sense
But that is just
The way it’s done
And I’m the one
Who didn’t run
So in I come
In second place
Without a trace
Or hint that you
Recall my face
So look again
And in the end
I know you’ll see
That this is me
...
And I’m still here
~
[comments] => 15
[counter] => 242
[topic] => 25
[informant] => Nazmythian
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 40
[ratings] => 8
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => MiscPoems
)
Can You See Me Now ?
Contributed by
Nazmythian
on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 12:54:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
~
Please take a look
Inside the cover
Of this book
And you will see
Just what it took
For me to be
Still standing here
While you are filled
Consumed with fear
And in your eyes
You can’t disguise
Or try to hide
From all your lies
No compromise
No second chance
You paid to dance
Can’t find the floor
Trapped in a room
Without a door
And nothing
Matters any more
~
Deception flows
As distrust grows
When all you know
Has been bestowed
On someone else
And they’re to blame
For all your pain
Nothing is gained
The heart remains
True to its cause
Despite the flaws
Natural laws
Dictate defeat
Strong kill the weak
And then delete
Trace evidence
In present tense
It makes no sense
But that is just
The way it’s done
And I’m the one
Who didn’t run
So in I come
In second place
Without a trace
Or hint that you
Recall my face
So look again
And in the end
I know you’ll see
That this is me
...
And I’m still here
~
Copyright ©
Nazmythian
... [
2005-05-25 12:54:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 01:14:20 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Holy cow!
This is awesome Nazzy!
I love how it took me in and carried me along with it all the way to the end. I found myself trapped.
A stunning write hun, I love the flow, the words, the rhyme, everything.
Great write huh,
*hugs* Phil xxx |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 01:32:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think you achieved what you set out to do! Wonderful Nazzy, just brilliant...This is a keeper. Scorp. |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 02:08:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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wow Nazzy you kept me reading to the end and i read it again.
awsome job dude. |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 02:23:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Yep, you did it again, my friend! You have been blessed, like so many others on here, with such a vibrant talent, and a flawless way of expressing yourself! Exquisite flow, cheri. Loved this piece. Thanks so much for sharing. As always, I leave this page without breath and the everlasting touch of your words. Divine. Your message got through, I hear ya loud and clear, my friend. All my love. Forever,
Your dear friend/avid fan,
Stephy! |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 02:44:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Vrrrooooooooom vrrroooom vrrroooommm!!!!
Nice rhythm! I loved it! So glad you're still here! I needed to hear these words at a time my words are calling for the sanity within, after living with the deceptive people. These words ring so true to my heart! Glad I drove on by!
*sweeps Nazzy up* :-) Beautiful job! Thanks for getting through!
Angel always...joni! |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 03:29:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
OMG that was just insane!!! Now that was good everything was so smoth i didnt evne stop for a puase.
Good writing as always mate.
J xx |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 04:48:10 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Ah, interesting! Pure flow all the way through - it's nicely done as well. On first reading, I felt that the form overshadowed the message of the piece just a bit, but reading through again I've changed my mind. This has a good theme and message, that makes itself heard.
Good work!
Andrew |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by bethers_is_my_baby on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 05:18:52 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| omg, this is great stuff!!! nice work! !:) keep writing! :) |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 05:26:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
(Michelle bows to Nazzy) terrific work ok one request teach me please please
Michelle |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 05:56:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great job Naz! You make me wanna go play with words too! What a fun poem.
Carol |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 06:56:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Gosh, I do see you. This is amazing, Scott. It started slowly and just took on a life of its own. Excellent work.
Smiles,
Rita |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 12:52:44 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Dear Naz,
This was really different, Naz, and so unique.
Like a top that spins and then will speak!
Round and round and where she stops.......I see you now standing right there!
Love it Scott........really a great twist!
Warm Love
consue |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:33:52 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Very, very awesome write!!! the flow and rhythm were amazing and what was said was full of meaning!! Keep up the good work. |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 11:14:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow Naz,
Another creative write. The experience of reading this is like a skydiver gaining speed in his freefall; or running the rapids and picking up speed and momentum as you go. The theme seems to be about getting beyond the book cover and read what's inside to know you better. It talks of deciet, yet you hang in until the end.
Anyway, fabulous write Naz
Will/Terry |
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Re: Can You See Me Now ?
(User Rating: 1 )
by the_Ghost_Moth on
Friday, 3rd June 2005 @ 05:13:08 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Sometimes
I could kill a poet.
Or at least a dozen Clones.
For such stupidly paraded ignorance.
This is a poem of tremendously conveyed
inter-personal signifigance
and emotional depth,
beyond mere craft and skill;
the shrewd tools of our art with words.
"Can You See Me Now"
will resonate very strongly
with the souls of readers
who are compelled by a poet's ability
to relate with great compassion
for honesty
the bloodless personal tragedies
and meager victories of spirit
in our doubtful lives--
most often completely
unnoticed by the herd
I might add.
"Deception flows
As distrust grows
When all you know
Has been bestowed
On someone else
And they’re to blame
For all your pain
Nothing is gained
The heart remains
True to its cause
Despite the flaws"
"And I’m the one
Who didn’t run
So in I come
In second place
Without a trace
Or hint that you
Recall my face
So look again
And in the end
I know you’ll see
That this is me
...
And I’m still here"
And that is why
I am not.
--Ghosty
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