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Array ( [sid] => 94677 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Misplaced Relativity [time] => 2005-05-16 23:37:11 [hometext] => This is just late night thought's about my life and my first attempt at poetry (lyrics). In this one, I'm attempting to compare my life to something completely different than emotion. Please critique this one no matter how you feel about it. [bodytext] => RELATE
TO THIS PHOBIA
THIS BLACK HOLE THAT SUCKS MY LIFE FROM ME
RELATE
TO WHAT IS PRECIDENT
TO FIND MYSELF WITHIN YOU?
THE INEVITABLE BLOOMS WITHIN...

SPAWN FROM DISTASTER
INTO CONFUSION
INTO DELUSION
LOST FAITH
FROM MISPLACED RELATIVITY

I LIVE ENCUMBERED
WITH YOUR STYLE
WITH YOUR TRENDS
WITH YOUR FEAR TO THINK FOR ONE'S SELF
RELATE
TO DESPERATE HATE
TO FIND WHAT DRIVES ME
MY LIFE CURVES TO YOUR "PERFECT" WORLD
AND REDEFINES ME
STILL YOU POINT YOUR FINGER
TO SHAME ME
TO BLAME ME
I BLAME YOU!

SPAWN FROM DISASTER
I LIVE CONFUSION
MENTAL DELUSION
MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHAT DRIVES ME TO CHOOSE
LOVE OVER HATE
TO FORGIVE ONE'S MISTAKES
PRAY I FIND PEACE SOMEDAY

ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE YOUR REFLECTION
AWAKEN WITH SHAME
THESE IMAGES NEVER MORE PRESENT
RELATING YOUR WHOLE WORTHLESS LIFE
TO THE DYING MAN BEHIND YOU
FEELING EMPTY
YOU'RE BLACKENED SOUL WILL SCREAM FOR FORGIVENESS
AND THEN... YOU'LL FORGET ABOUT IT [comments] => 1 [counter] => 142 [topic] => 43 [informant] => FreedomRock [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Misplaced Relativity

Contributed by FreedomRock on Monday, 16th May 2005 @ 11:37:11 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

RELATE
TO THIS PHOBIA
THIS BLACK HOLE THAT SUCKS MY LIFE FROM ME
RELATE
TO WHAT IS PRECIDENT
TO FIND MYSELF WITHIN YOU?
THE INEVITABLE BLOOMS WITHIN...

SPAWN FROM DISTASTER
INTO CONFUSION
INTO DELUSION
LOST FAITH
FROM MISPLACED RELATIVITY

I LIVE ENCUMBERED
WITH YOUR STYLE
WITH YOUR TRENDS
WITH YOUR FEAR TO THINK FOR ONE'S SELF
RELATE
TO DESPERATE HATE
TO FIND WHAT DRIVES ME
MY LIFE CURVES TO YOUR "PERFECT" WORLD
AND REDEFINES ME
STILL YOU POINT YOUR FINGER
TO SHAME ME
TO BLAME ME
I BLAME YOU!

SPAWN FROM DISASTER
I LIVE CONFUSION
MENTAL DELUSION
MISUNDERSTANDING OF WHAT DRIVES ME TO CHOOSE
LOVE OVER HATE
TO FORGIVE ONE'S MISTAKES
PRAY I FIND PEACE SOMEDAY

ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE YOUR REFLECTION
AWAKEN WITH SHAME
THESE IMAGES NEVER MORE PRESENT
RELATING YOUR WHOLE WORTHLESS LIFE
TO THE DYING MAN BEHIND YOU
FEELING EMPTY
YOU'RE BLACKENED SOUL WILL SCREAM FOR FORGIVENESS
AND THEN... YOU'LL FORGET ABOUT IT

Copyright © FreedomRock ... [ 2005-05-16 23:37:11]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Misplaced Relativity (User Rating: 1 )
by heartless_soul on Tuesday, 17th May 2005 @ 01:58:05 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Welcome to YPDC hope that you enjoy yourself here. now to the point, this was a very good poem (for a first attempt at lyrical style) but you need to work on the line structure, try to keep the lines flowing evenly with each other as well with the over all poem, try not to force it to flow just let it happen. this was a very good poem if flowed well with its structure and keept my attention, very good. Be well.

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