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Array
(
[sid] => 94595
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => facing reality.
[time] => 2005-05-16 15:15:00
[hometext] => i'm just expressing my life and how i feel... please comment. i wouldn't blame Susie to neglect me... not after all shes done for me.
[bodytext] => It’s crazy watching the flashes grow, Into another wasted over-flow… And I feel the deep lumps under my skin. And I see the cob-web scars imbedded within. And I know quitting’s not likely to occur, ‘Coz all I can do is cut away the hurt. And I feel like crap to just be here. ‘Coz disgusts slaps me when I feel tears… And my friends dig me deep inside. Their words pierce with their dissolving lines. And I don’t know really where I am. I want to try but I’m clogged and damned. And I get stressed almost every day. And I admit defeat, ‘coz I-feel-pain. And I won’t cover just how I feel. And if they **** me off they’ll face what’s real. ‘Coz I won’t hide for the sake of them. I am what I am. They just have to except… And if they can’t, then they ain’t real friends. ‘Coz friends are meant to help me get well again. … And Susie tries with all her might. And I feel her pain when I don’t eat right. And when people hurt her I hurt them back. … And words hurt more than slaps and smacks… So I do that when people don’t see, And I get revenge on those stuck-up bullies. And Susie doesn’t like it and tells me not to care, But I can’t help but stuff those words most the time those cows are near. And I think I’m annoying her but I can’t help it. I like hurting people that put my friends through ****. ‘Coz I stick up for her and others ‘coz they stick up for me. And when they’re not here I’m just plain unhappy. And I don’t mean to come on harsh, I’m just expressing myself. … And I admit I’ve already got through ‘anger management’, And it sent me to ‘mental health’. And maybe I should get some more help to push my anger out. But all the while I get sh(* in life all I can seem to do is shout… … And then when I’m alone or with others but isolated. I runto a silent room and cut away my hatred… And I’m just waiting for Susie to turn and push me away. To turn and hate and neglect me and not give me the time of day... [comments] => 1 [counter] => 201 [topic] => 72 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => self-harmpoetry )
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