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Array
(
[sid] => 94551
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => insomnia
[time] => 2005-05-16 02:48:26
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I can't find the right words. I have a need for this An empty pit deep down in my stomach worming its way into my heart my fingers tremble trying to find the word for it all for all of this ***** this life this world this feeling that i feel that i don't feel and no matter what words i write it doesn't ever go away so i sit all hunched over my fingers shaking and typing and crushing themselves under the pressure and i have a headache and the music won't go away and the music drowns everything else out and i write and i write and i write and the words are never the same the moment isn't clear enough the pacing is all wrong the sickness is sweating out the swelling stays and I push the keyboard closed and I go to my room and i turn the tv on and i turn the tv off and i pull the keyboard out and i turn the music up and i lift my tears all the way up to the top of everything and they fall down and they always fall down because i have this big empty space that i can no longer fill and I've tried everything I've tried smoking it away drowning it stabbing it down deeper praying it away screaming and cussing and crying over a dead end job a dead end world the only world i know and the hallways start to split and the walls come crumbling down and the water turns black and sticky in my mouth the wine tastes better when I'm sad and i can't even have that. So i am unsure so i am typing simply typing every second counts typing the tired dog over the falling sky and it doesn't make sense nothing does anymore I want to move on I want to find new life but it's always the same that empty feeling always comes back and the tears always fall the same way and they never change anything no they never change anything so i don't cry anymore so i don't let myself love anything anymore it's all just a mistake it's all just a jumbled mess falling to the floor the open door the light streaming through and I wish I could get some sleep I really need to sleep. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 172 [topic] => 48 [informant] => iodinelove [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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