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Array
(
[sid] => 93654
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I can't make it through this...somehow
[time] => 2005-05-07 23:51:24
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I am too numb to excist right now....i have to make it through this some how.. I was so blinded by my own thoughtless joy...that i neglected to see his pain... Why cant i ever be good enough for anyone? THere is always an aparent fault with me..does my act of happiness torture you? All of these critiques and negations confuse and hurt me so... My mind shatters apart...and my thoughts become extraordinarily cloudy... I can never be myself...because ialways get shut out... The rain is becomming my best friend...because i share so much with it .. It always describes my moods....not many people like consistant rain... My tears are the beginning of a thunderous storm... My pain gets so heavy that i forget where and why i started... THat is the most un-nerving feeling... I am like lightning...people see me...yet they can not hear me .. This mask has become a permanant part of me... You see the outside...but will and can never look under it... The clouds hide the rage in side... Yet another mask... I would give anything to take this disguise off...but there would be too much pain and guilt beneath... I dont want to cast a shadow on everyone around me ... This is my problem...and mine alone... I guess i will live with this camuflauge and let it dominate me... I cant make it through this some how .... [comments] => 0 [counter] => 172 [topic] => 21 [informant] => drowninginkarma [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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