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Array
(
[sid] => 93573
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => A letter to Daddy
[time] => 2005-05-07 09:24:13
[hometext] => This is something I wrote a few months ago. I just came across it today, and it's a strange feeling to realize how different I am now and how much I've changed in such a short period of time.
[bodytext] => Daddy, They say that faith can move mountains. Can it? The faith of every person who knew you wasn't enough to give you any more time with us. So can the faith of one person really move a mountain? When mom took us into the kitchen to have a "family talk" and she told us about the heart attack, the hopes I had for you were so high. At some point they became expectations. After all, how could God say no? All we wanted was for him to give you a little more time. It's not like we were asking him to move a mountain or anything like that. I figured, when the time came for you leave us, I would be ready. I got through Courtney's death, and if I did it once I could do it twice -- and this time I would get through it in record time. Because as the saying goes, practice makes perfect. When you died, it didn't sink in. And before I felt anything -- the anger, the confusion, the hopelessness -- I felt numb. The worst feeling in the world is to not feel anything at all, to stare blankly out the window, knowing you're gone but not knowing whether I should break down crying or choose not to accept the fact that I'll never get to see you again. Somehow, I feel like life isn't real anymore. It's almost like I'm standing back watching everyone else live their lives, while mine comes to a complete stop. It's now that I realize how much I've lost. I lost hope. I lost my ability to talk and laugh and breathe, the way I used to when I actually felt alive, when the world was real to me and I felt my heart beat every day. I lost myself. I lost my strength. But most of all, I lost you. You're gone. I still miss you. I still cry myself to sleep each night. And the emptiness I feel is nothing but proof of the fact that faith can move mountains, but it wasn't good enough to save your life. I love you Daddy. Love, Jenna [comments] => 4 [counter] => 562 [topic] => 43 [informant] => hooray_its_jen [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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