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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	29-May 16:48:36 AEST

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Array ( [sid] => 92743 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => One Last Breath [time] => 2005-04-29 20:32:59 [hometext] => [bodytext] => One Last Breath

Hell is closer than Heaven
With all of your coveted sin,
But you still cannot transcend
The inner demons within.

You feigned having golden wings
When they're blackened by the death
That they always lovingly bring
To the ones who wanted one last breath.

It takes only so much pain
Before one throws it all away
To waste all of their days
Fading into unremembered grays,

But I've lost my way through life,
And now I'm closer to Heaven as I die. [comments] => 8 [counter] => 185 [topic] => 61 [informant] => essentially9 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

One Last Breath

Contributed by essentially9 on Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 08:32:59 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

One Last Breath

Hell is closer than Heaven
With all of your coveted sin,
But you still cannot transcend
The inner demons within.

You feigned having golden wings
When they're blackened by the death
That they always lovingly bring
To the ones who wanted one last breath.

It takes only so much pain
Before one throws it all away
To waste all of their days
Fading into unremembered grays,

But I've lost my way through life,
And now I'm closer to Heaven as I die.

Copyright © essentially9 ... [ 2005-04-29 20:32:59]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 09:27:36 PM AEST
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Jen...as always you never fail to produce an amazing piece of poetry...I really liked this one...reminds me of the line is told you...:Heaven is so far, yet hell is so close....=]

~Clark

Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by TheVoice on Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 09:37:38 PM AEST
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Having been to Hell and looked in at Heaven from its gates, I know of what you write here Jennifer. This is truly awesome...

The Voice

Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 10:50:28 PM AEST
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Lovely carthasus of internal poetry from the

heart , a revelation of the soul . . .

Dorian Chambers

Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 11:08:07 PM AEST
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Your poem deals very effectively with the very difficult subject of death. Yet, I think, it has a way of offering hope....reaching heaven.

Very skilled write

Will

Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 11:10:20 PM AEST
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Where'd this come from!? What a great poem! Lol, I mean, wow. The literal poem you've written seems slightly new to me, only because it's about Heaven and Hell, but not necessarily either. If that makes sense, but all I'm trying to say is I really liked this poem, probably because the ending was made stronger by the first stanza's statement about where you were then, and where you are by the end of it. It was kind of sad when you noted the sense of fading into greys, because that just seems like the worst possible thing to happen to a human being. Amazing write nonetheless!

Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 11:55:31 PM AEST
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I thought I'd been missing something and
then I remembered I had missed reading
your poems lately. I loved the poetic
bluntness in this poem such as hell being
closer with your "coveted sin" and I loved the
first two lines in the second stanza for some
reason those two stood out. Great poem!

Bobo (Joel)

Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 03:31:07 AM AEST
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"closure to heaven as I die"...then we need not be afraid of death..Good write:-)venkat

Re: One Last Breath (User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on Tuesday, 4th October 2005 @ 03:09:29 AM AEST
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Wow. Emotion-packed-punch is all I can say! Awesome new style brought to a neverending concept. I love this write!
The wording from start to finish is excellent. Great job!

Scorp.
(Look who's jealous now) ; )

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