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Array ( [sid] => 92603 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Soulless Child [time] => 2005-04-28 17:15:53 [hometext] => Critical comments are welcome, as I am trying to improve my skill! [bodytext] => Silently
She tiptoes to the gray, cold door
And cautiously peeks through the window
No one is in the room beyond
And, without making a sound, she enters

Running her delicate fingers gracefully
Over the books, desks, and chalkboards
Glanced and highlighted by the sunset's light
Exactly as they were that last time she was here...

Living in the past, in her unspoken, torturous memories
She, once again, is the trapped, innocent child who died here
Who was transformed into the empty shell
That she has become

And yet...
She longs desperately, horribly
To feel her abuser's touch
To be enclosed in her gentle, "loving" embrace
To be "safe" again
To smell her sweet scent
To look into her beautiful blue eyes and see kindness
And to believe she is always loved...

She falls to the ground
In an overwhelming flood of tears and pain
The door creaks
And she looks up
Into the lovely blue eyes she has seen
So often
Every time she dares to sleep

The woman crosses the room
And embraces the girl's soulless, defenseless body
The girl, again, submits fully to her abuse...

The only way this teenager knows to live
Is to give herself away. [comments] => 6 [counter] => 157 [topic] => 48 [informant] => NightOwl [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 20 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

Soulless Child

Contributed by NightOwl on Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 05:15:53 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

Silently
She tiptoes to the gray, cold door
And cautiously peeks through the window
No one is in the room beyond
And, without making a sound, she enters

Running her delicate fingers gracefully
Over the books, desks, and chalkboards
Glanced and highlighted by the sunset's light
Exactly as they were that last time she was here...

Living in the past, in her unspoken, torturous memories
She, once again, is the trapped, innocent child who died here
Who was transformed into the empty shell
That she has become

And yet...
She longs desperately, horribly
To feel her abuser's touch
To be enclosed in her gentle, "loving" embrace
To be "safe" again
To smell her sweet scent
To look into her beautiful blue eyes and see kindness
And to believe she is always loved...

She falls to the ground
In an overwhelming flood of tears and pain
The door creaks
And she looks up
Into the lovely blue eyes she has seen
So often
Every time she dares to sleep

The woman crosses the room
And embraces the girl's soulless, defenseless body
The girl, again, submits fully to her abuse...

The only way this teenager knows to live
Is to give herself away.

Copyright © NightOwl ... [ 2005-04-28 17:15:53]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Soulless Child (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 05:31:13 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This conjures great images and is quite sad while it touches the reader. The only critique I can give is for you to lose the "and" s.
In learning my skill (still not perfected) mind you, my mentor always points out that the word "and" always seems out of place. Remove the "ands" and this poem becomes flawless. It streams from one image to the next and does so with grace. A very poignant poem, which I am going to read again. :-)
Good job!
Angel always...godspeed...joni

Re: Soulless Child (User Rating: 1 )
by lilch4ever on Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 06:00:01 PM AEST
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That was very deep and an attention grabber. It was very insiteful and full of understanding emotions. A job well done. :D

Re: Soulless Child (User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 06:00:42 PM AEST
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Excellent write. Clear and sadly haunting. Good write Thanks for sharing. I pray all will be well .

Peace
Whisper

Re: Soulless Child (User Rating: 1 )
by Butterflygirl40 on Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 07:04:56 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

very good poem but kind of sad tho.
keep up the good work!

Re: Soulless Child (User Rating: 1 )
by Sigma-Phi on Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 11:18:38 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Very emotional. It touched me deeply. Great job!

Re: Soulless Child (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 10:22:01 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Wow, That was chilling.

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