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Array ( [sid] => 92192 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => On my last day [time] => 2005-04-25 07:41:32 [hometext] => For Paul 02.02.91-12.25.04 r.i.p. [bodytext] => On my last day
I’ll dance naked in the streets
Then wash my black feet
And keep my insanity to stay
On my last day

On my last day
I’ll laugh manically
And jump around with glee
With no reason, to say
On my last day

On my last day
With little gnomes
I’ll play croquet
On my head I’ll wear
A hat made of pink foam
From an armchair
On my last day

On my last night
I’ll stay up until dawn
And watch the end of my life
Spread with the light
And soon I’ll be gone
On my last night

On my last night
By myself I’ll lie
The last thing I shall do
Is die
On my last night

On my first day
In heaven, in hell
Which one, no one can tell
I’ll wake up
Next to you
On my first day [comments] => 5 [counter] => 205 [topic] => 21 [informant] => blueeyedevil13 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

On my last day

Contributed by blueeyedevil13 on Monday, 25th April 2005 @ 07:41:32 AM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

On my last day
I’ll dance naked in the streets
Then wash my black feet
And keep my insanity to stay
On my last day

On my last day
I’ll laugh manically
And jump around with glee
With no reason, to say
On my last day

On my last day
With little gnomes
I’ll play croquet
On my head I’ll wear
A hat made of pink foam
From an armchair
On my last day

On my last night
I’ll stay up until dawn
And watch the end of my life
Spread with the light
And soon I’ll be gone
On my last night

On my last night
By myself I’ll lie
The last thing I shall do
Is die
On my last night

On my first day
In heaven, in hell
Which one, no one can tell
I’ll wake up
Next to you
On my first day

Copyright Â© blueeyedevil13 ... [ 2005-04-25 07:41:32]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: On my last day (User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on Monday, 25th April 2005 @ 10:00:58 AM AEST
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great word imagery used...a sad poem but lovely all the same i reeli loved the ending
well done

Re: On my last day (User Rating: 1 )
by grim6669 on Sunday, 25th September 2005 @ 02:42:52 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i really like it......i like how you changed day to night......it's really creative and i like the way you'd use your imagination to have fun before you die, you deserve eleventy two thumbs up. keep it up!!!

Re: On my last day (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Sunday, 25th September 2005 @ 03:17:31 PM AEST
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Actually you won't know what you will do on your last day. But it is good how you progressed things

Re: On my last day (User Rating: 1 )
by DannerSwa on Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 02:19:16 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Please take no offense. I have some feedback for you if you're open to it.

Firstly, first stanza, second line, would it be okay to say street instead of streets? I think it would flow better.

Secondly, third stanza, second line, could you say "with a little gnome"? I think it would rhyme better with foam. Thirdly, would it work better if you switched line 4 and 5 around? I think the rhyming scheme fits snugly. What do you think?

Re: On my last day (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 12th May 2006 @ 10:09:48 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

lovely...wonderful. i like it...it's upbeat...except for the whole main point, but it's almost comical...lovely

- Bethani -

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