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Array ( [sid] => 90002 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Rusted Nail [time] => 2005-04-05 16:08:32 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Adrenaline pumping,
alcohol flowing,
emotions running,
all through my platinum dreams.

Gasoline burn out,
shotgun yearning,
love sick and falling,
in my rusted nail life.

I am lost at sea,
my boat is made of paper honesty.
This ocean of deceit,
will crush it with an acid tsunami.

I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind.
I wonder what I'll find, as it all runs away.
I'm losing my grip on all that's real,
all that's good and all that's sane.
Platinum dreams, rusted nail life. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 213 [topic] => 43 [informant] => Steven_Fenton1982 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
Rusted Nail

Contributed by Steven_Fenton1982 on Tuesday, 5th April 2005 @ 04:08:32 PM in AEST
Topic: oops



Adrenaline pumping,
alcohol flowing,
emotions running,
all through my platinum dreams.

Gasoline burn out,
shotgun yearning,
love sick and falling,
in my rusted nail life.

I am lost at sea,
my boat is made of paper honesty.
This ocean of deceit,
will crush it with an acid tsunami.

I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind.
I wonder what I'll find, as it all runs away.
I'm losing my grip on all that's real,
all that's good and all that's sane.
Platinum dreams, rusted nail life.




Copyright © Steven_Fenton1982 ... [ 2005-04-05 16:08:32]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Rusted Nail (User Rating: 1 )
by KishaLovesCare126 on Wednesday, 6th April 2005 @ 01:21:20 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
its flooding with such painful words (which I like) your very talented:):)


keep it up!


Re: Rusted Nail (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 27th August 2005 @ 06:01:11 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I thought the first three stanzas of this piece were incredible. Marvelous word pictures...could really feel a craziness and pain that I believe the author meant to project.

I didn't like the last stanza as much though...The first three stanzas gave me an impression of what was in the writer's mind...but the last stanza changed tones and told me in plain language what the writer was feeling. I think what I didn't like was the shift in style. On its own -- without the first three stanzas -- the last paragraph seems to stand up well.

I guess my recommendation to the author would be to consider the whole piece when writing a poem, and analyze whether a poem keeps the same tone and feel throughout.

But whoa, can the author create a word picture! Stanza three -- Wow!


Re: Rusted Nail (User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on Thursday, 15th February 2007 @ 09:26:53 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Excellent. Esp..My boat of paper honesty
Crush it with an acid tsunami....nice touch.




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