Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com - Read, Rate, Comment on, or Submit Poetry. Browse Poetry Forums, or just enjoy other parts of our poetic community.
One of the largest databases of poetry on the net, now over 198,500+ poems!
Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com    Poems On Site: 198,500+   Comments On Poems: 427,000+   Forum Posts: 105,000+
Custom Search
  Welcome ! Home  ·  FAQ  ·  Topics  ·  Web Links  ·  Your Account  ·  Submit Poetry  ·  Top 30  ·  OldSite Link 29-May 17:32:48 AEST  
  Menu
  Home
· Micks Shop
· Our eBay Store· Error Submit
 Poetry
· Submit Poetry
· Least Read Poems
· Topics
· Members Listing
· Old Site Post 2001
· Old Site Pre 2001
· Poetry Archive
· Public Domain Poetry
 Stories
· Stories (NEW ! )
· Submit Story
· Story Topics
· Stories Archive
· Story Search
  Community
· Our Poetry Forums
· Our Arcade
100's of Games !

  Site Help
· FAQ
· Feedback

  Members Areas
· Your Account
· Members Journals
· Premium Sign-Up
  Premium Section
· Special Section
· Premium Poems
· Premium Submit
· Premium Search
· Premium Top
· Premium Archive
· Premium Topics
 Fun & Games

· Jokes
· Bubble Puzzle
· ConnectN
· Cross Word
· Cross Word Easy
· Drag Puzzle
· Word Hunt
 Reference
· Dictionary
· Dictionary (Rhyming)
· Site Updates
· Content
· Special Content
 Search
· Search
· Web Links
· All Links
 Top
· Top 30
  Help This Site
· Donations
 Others
· Recipes
· Moderators
Our Other Sites
· Embroidery Design Store
· Your Jokes
· Special Urls
· JM Embroideries
· Public Domain Poetry and Stories
· Diamond Dotz
· Cooking Info and Recipes
· Quoof - Australian Story

  Social

Array ( [sid] => 89270 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Awaiting the sun [time] => 2005-03-29 22:42:05 [hometext] => hi this is my first poem on this website and its not very good comments very apreaciated [bodytext] => As the moonlight dwindles,
on the fast forgotten lawn,
a little girl is waiting,
waiting for the dawn.

As she awaits the sun,
to rise high above the glade,
she is crying to herself,
just as she is bade.

As the sun comes upward,
far from the forgotten lawn,
a little boy is waiting,
waiting for the dawn.

As he awaits the sun,
far from the center of trade,
he is extremly lonely,
just doing as he's bade.

Both of them are lonely,
they are both in need of aid,
so they both break all the rules,
and start their own trade.

They meet up on the road,
and act as the best of friends,
and now they are so happy.
A means to an ends. [comments] => 12 [counter] => 412 [topic] => 25 [informant] => jeza [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 25 [ratings] => 5 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => MiscPoems )
Awaiting the sun

Contributed by jeza on Tuesday, 29th March 2005 @ 10:42:05 PM in AEST
Topic: MiscPoems



As the moonlight dwindles,
on the fast forgotten lawn,
a little girl is waiting,
waiting for the dawn.

As she awaits the sun,
to rise high above the glade,
she is crying to herself,
just as she is bade.

As the sun comes upward,
far from the forgotten lawn,
a little boy is waiting,
waiting for the dawn.

As he awaits the sun,
far from the center of trade,
he is extremly lonely,
just doing as he's bade.

Both of them are lonely,
they are both in need of aid,
so they both break all the rules,
and start their own trade.

They meet up on the road,
and act as the best of friends,
and now they are so happy.
A means to an ends.




Copyright © jeza ... [ 2005-03-29 22:42:05]
(Date/Time posted on site)





Advertisments:






Previous Posted Poem         | |         Next Posted Poem


 
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title etc.
Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Mazi on Tuesday, 29th March 2005 @ 10:47:34 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Awesome poem! I really like your style. I hope to see more : )


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 12:40:39 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
A very good writer u r and welcome to our global family here. You've come to the right place.
luv, huggs,
emy


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 01:09:57 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Aww hey there jessica.
This piece is really sweet, n very touching..
The rhyme worked pretty well, and your portrayed your thoughts through here greatly.
Nice work, and welcome to YPDC :D

~kt


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 9th April 2005 @ 12:13:47 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
You are a true artist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XOJill


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by NightOwl on Sunday, 10th April 2005 @ 11:21:45 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Awesome!!! You really have talent, this is incredible!

*~Erin~*


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on Sunday, 22nd May 2005 @ 07:30:00 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Better late than never!!
Welcome to YPDC..The most addictive poetry site on the net.....
This is really awesome...I loved it so much. Please continue posting your beautiful work here...
Thank you.
Jenni


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 07:14:45 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Welcome , I thought this was very moving, good work



Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by LOWMAN613 on Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 09:52:38 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Wow glad you joined youll enjoy it here! Great work & Welcome! Christina


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 03:56:27 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Well now...first of all, Welcome to YPDC!!

Secondly, this piece IS good!
It has nice flow and rhyme, but especially I like the sentiment and emotion that pors from this.
Well done!!


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by girltranscended on Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 09:45:52 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I have to agree, this IS good. I especially LOVED:
"a little girl is waiting,
waiting for the dawn."
I so liked how you tell the tale of two, and how parts of the stanzas repeat as you do. My only suggestion (and only cause u asked)might be to rework the 2nd and 4th lines of this stanza:
"Both of them are lonely,
they are both in need of aid,
so they both break all the rules,
and start their own trade."
I get what you are trying to say, but here it seems forced, odd even, and from the other lines you have put forth I now for sure you could say it better. But please don't get me wrong, I really liked your poem and I hope you write more and more and yes, get addicted like the rest of us!

:)



Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by becca_b on Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 07:04:04 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
its REALLY REALLY REALLY good jess
I really like it
I can totally see the emotions and feelings in it


Re: Awaiting the sun (User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on Monday, 17th October 2005 @ 10:37:54 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
A warm welcome to YPDC. This is absolutely outstanding. A brilliant write filled with emotion. An excellent 1st submission Jes.
Keep penning.
*hugs*
Sue




While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. ©

Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster

All submitted items are Copyright © to their submitter. All the rest Copyright © 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.

Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com