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Array ( [sid] => 88889 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Beautiful Breakdown [time] => 2005-03-26 22:46:52 [hometext] => Not quite finished...I wasn't exactly sure where I was going so it just kinda trails off..oh, and I'm putting guitar to it. Comments/critique really appreciated [bodytext] => She's the most beautiful when she's crying
When she's breaking down, trying
Trying to stay sane
Wishing things were still the same

Lying on the floor
Crying into the phone
Not caring anymore
This is where all of it shows

She can be so beautiful when she's convinced herself
She's so alone
But she doen'st know
How she's loved so much... [comments] => 3 [counter] => 209 [topic] => 65 [informant] => iluvpencils [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 13 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => toughstuff )

Beautiful Breakdown

Contributed by iluvpencils on Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 10:46:52 PM in AEST
Topic: toughstuff

She's the most beautiful when she's crying
When she's breaking down, trying
Trying to stay sane
Wishing things were still the same

Lying on the floor
Crying into the phone
Not caring anymore
This is where all of it shows

She can be so beautiful when she's convinced herself
She's so alone
But she doen'st know
How she's loved so much...

Copyright © iluvpencils ... [ 2005-03-26 22:46:52]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Beautiful Breakdown (User Rating: 1 )
by PeaceLovHppnes on Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 10:55:20 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I dont know exactly what it was but i loved this poem..i wish you had gone on more and i can only imagine how good it would sound to a guitar. The girl crying reminds me of myself ...and it always brightens my day to be reminded of how much i am loved. Keep it up and i look forward to reading more!
xoxo

Re: Beautiful Breakdown (User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 12:32:46 AM AEST
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It has a certain quality to it, that's for sure - terrific subject matter, nice delivery. It reads as both a poem and song lyrics. Keep working it and repost when finished. I'd love to read it again.

Spike

Re: Beautiful Breakdown (User Rating: 1 )
by vador5 on Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 01:24:33 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I like your poem because it's original. You wrote that you were going to put on guitar, I hope i get to hear it on the radio soon. It reminds me of myself screaming I hate you to my father. thanks commenting on mine.

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