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Array
(
[sid] => 88243
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Shadows song
[time] => 2005-03-21 16:59:07
[hometext] => Title suggestions welcome, as are honest opinions.
[bodytext] => You painted the day grey, with words as hard as slate,
And made the sky splinter before my eyes.
Opacity; dutifully surrounding, the chaos you create,
Dark opposition to a radiant sunrise...
So, I fell to my knees before you,
While a bonfire was set up for my dreams,
Then you threw on our odd little memories,
As each one was burnt, it would scream.
And I saw my nightmares reflected in starshine,
For there were still stars, no matter how you tried,
While dispirited awareness danced to your music,
For the song that was now un-denied...
Your whispers wove themselves into the shadows,
Composing sheets of paranoid verse,
And then in a voice, so emotionaly hollow,
You sang your song slowly word for word.
(While I played the music for you...)
[comments] => 17
[counter] => 273
[topic] => 65
[informant] => lostinmyself
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 30
[ratings] => 6
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => toughstuff
)
Shadows song
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 04:59:07 PM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
You painted the day grey, with words as hard as slate,
And made the sky splinter before my eyes.
Opacity; dutifully surrounding, the chaos you create,
Dark opposition to a radiant sunrise...
So, I fell to my knees before you,
While a bonfire was set up for my dreams,
Then you threw on our odd little memories,
As each one was burnt, it would scream.
And I saw my nightmares reflected in starshine,
For there were still stars, no matter how you tried,
While dispirited awareness danced to your music,
For the song that was now un-denied...
Your whispers wove themselves into the shadows,
Composing sheets of paranoid verse,
And then in a voice, so emotionaly hollow,
You sang your song slowly word for word.
(While I played the music for you...)
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2005-03-21 16:59:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 05:08:55 PM AEST
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| i loved this poem philly. the last stanza was amazing. there was not a single verse of this that could be said to be less than brilliant. i would not be able to tell you were in a block at all. as for titles....hrm... the whispers of evanescent shadows. oh well, you are better at titles than i. youll find the perfect one... |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 06:27:52 PM AEST
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NO DISCLAIMER PHILL AS ALWAYS BRILLIANT AS A MUSICIAN, VERY TOUCHING, AS A POET, VERY IMAGINATIVE
DID I LEAVE ANYTHING OUT? LOL . . .
DORIAN CHAMBERS |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 06:30:46 PM AEST
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Some attempt!!!
I think you suceeded Phil!
This is....so insightful, lovely imagery and verse!!!
As for the title, I think it is fine, if you want something fancier...how about
Our Song of Embers or some such.
Awsome write....You just keep getting better! |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 06:48:01 PM AEST
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|
You are too modest, this was nothing short of a masterpeice. I loved this vers the best
So, I fell to my knees before you,
While a bonfire was set up for my dreams,
Then you threw on our odd little memories,
As each one was burnt, it would scream.
Wonderfully written, such great use of language. It was very mystical and dark. |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 08:06:43 PM AEST
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|
| Phil, this is almost too emotive to comment on. Dissonance is the word that comes to mind, a mood you perfectly captured. Hugs, Jules |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 10:04:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Absolutely flawless, Phil. A sensational write. The language and the imgaery used paints a great picture in the readers head. A true master piece. Divine as always.
Hugs,
Sue |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 07:35:58 AM AEST
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Awesome!
hugg.
emy |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Putteragain on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 11:46:34 AM AEST
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|
I love this the las verse was wonderful i loved the flow
(while i played the music for you) |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 11:49:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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wow I miss reading your poems, they are so powerful and really leave a dent in my emotions, great writing as always Philly woo
*hugs*
Pix xx |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 12:07:54 PM AEST
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I am always humbled by your talent, and this is no exception. You truely are an exceptional poets poet. There is a fascinating mystique to your writes.
Truely a work of art
Willofree
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 04:21:20 PM AEST
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Wow... I'm speechless again. This is incredible! I fell into it at the first line but the last stanza-verse-thingy blew me away completely... truly a remarkable write hun. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Take Care
- Becca |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 23rd March 2005 @ 06:22:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
As I read this, I felt that everything was in place, each word the best expression of the meaning. This was truly wonderful, my friend.
A meaningful, powerful, sad and beautiful poem. You are constantly outdoing yourself.
Andrew
(standing ovation) |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 06:05:40 AM AEST
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| This is a great poem with an amazing ending. Great job. *hugs* |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 06:29:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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What an amazing write!!
Great use of metaphors...
Hugs
Jenni |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 03:33:21 PM AEST
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Phil i've been meaning to comment on this, Im just being to lazy these days to check poems out *Sighs*
You really are such a talented poet, you're emotins here are so strong and powerfull which draws the reader in to the heart of the poem.
I loved this write and i think you'll be such a wonderfull published poet in which i know you'll make with flying colors. |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Les4567 on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 10:25:05 PM AEST
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This is my secod comment on your poems and will not be my last. I really liked this poem. It was very well written you have true talent. You are an amazing poet. The title is good but I like the one suggestion "Our Song of Embers." Very good
~Les |
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Re: Shadows song
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Friday, 25th March 2005 @ 04:11:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| This was very good. "Hues of grey" is my suggetion |
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