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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 13:04:03 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 87604
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => New Life
[time] => 2005-03-15 23:49:14
[hometext] => I have recently discovered that I am pregnant...
[bodytext] => As I walk down this path I wonder.... .....Is this the right path?........ ..........Did I make the right decisions?........ Well, I can definitely answer the second one.... No matter if I made the right decisions or not, I am a better person for knowing what I do now...but... Boy, if I knew then what I know now, I would be okay and I wouldn't even be writing this... But life.... to me... is a series of trial and errors: you learn from your mistakes. .....I really screwed up this time... Although they say it takes TWO to tango, I always seem to be receiving the repercussions of any kind of copulative acts-- .........but I wanted... .......no.. needed something.... ..........LOVE...................COMPASS ION.........................TRUST....... .... The need to feel wanted...cherished..... ..................The NEED to feel like a WOMAN................... I feel much wiser should a young woman my age.... not entirely my fault... It was my thirst for knowledge- ................and childhood neglect........... -that made me this way..... I grew up way too fast and am now paying the price of trial and error. So many times a guy has impugned me into doing something I didn't want to do... Though I didn't sleep around...every guy... ...........intentional or not....... HAS made it a point to make me feel like a courtesan. ........you would think I would learn......... Half the time I could say I was drunk or high and I didn't comprehend what I was doing... .........part of the time I could say that was true..... The other part I have to say that in the back of my mind.... ........I knew what I was doing and the Satan in me says that I enjoyed every minute of it..... I KNEW I was being used... .... but I was using them too so I didn't care.... The other half.. on the other hand... I actually fell for the same stunts over and over again... ........I guess that's where the whole love/compassion thing comes into play........... I could probably blame it on my mother for not giving me enough love when I was a child.... ....h***-- even now... but it wouldn't change a damn thing... I am still up the creek without a paddle getting ready to crash down the waterfalls ahead... .........so I ask... What do I do now? I am an adult legally--well, able to take a bullet in the a** for my country but not able to drink away the pain of it... ...........but I feel like I'm fifty with the weight of the world on my shoulders... Certain people think I'm trying to save the world... ........I hate to tell them I'm not...I'm trying to save myself... but those words don't come out whenever the occasion arrises... People tell me to "believe in the Lord and he shall guide you" Well, I do believe... but I don't see anything happening.... however-- I still have faith.. I think that everything happens for a reason...and because I have nothing else to believe.... ...................to lean on.............to trust............to talk to when I'm in tears.... Most of the time the question is "Why?" ...................why?................. ........Why?..........................WH Y??.............. Deep down I know that there is a reason for everything that is happening in my life.. I have to believe it... I have nothing else....... ..........just a small little ray of hope... it's quickly dimming... but it's there.... Now more than ever, I really have to hold on to that ray of hope with all my might... because if what my conscience is telling me is true.... .......then new life will begin.... am I ready??.... [comments] => 3 [counter] => 193 [topic] => 48 [informant] => deb_lalala [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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