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Array ( [sid] => 87587 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Tormented Soul [time] => 2005-03-15 20:58:33 [hometext] => This isn't a true story.. Something I wrote that I just thought of, more like a short story. First Poem thats emotional.. hope you enjoy it. [bodytext] => She looks in the mirror
She sees someone else.
It isn’t her
It’s her face
Her eyes
Yet it’s someone else
She doesn’t know were she stands
She pleas for help
She can’t see her path.
It’s fogged; She’s lost
What happened to her?

Used to be someone here
She had an Identity
Now she looks, she sees Nothing
Who did this to her?
She sheds a tear every night
wondering where she belongs.
Does she exist?
Is she an Illusion?
Just an Illusion?

She wakes up every morning
Hate being here.
Her life seems like its nothing
All she has is constant fear.
Awaiting Death to come
What is she really thinking?

A path clears up
One path to follow
The path to suicide
The path to hell
Does she consider it?

No, she wants pain but nothing more
She is living her own little world war
Blood drips down from her wrist
Blood Cyst

I could’ve helped her but now she’s gone
I visit her grave, only when it’s dawn
She didn’t know it
She didn’t realize
She was something
Never was she nothing
[comments] => 6 [counter] => 204 [topic] => 68 [informant] => Rag_doll [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => fictional )

Tormented Soul

Contributed by Rag_doll on Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 08:58:33 PM in AEST
Topic: fictional

She looks in the mirror
She sees someone else.
It isn’t her
It’s her face
Her eyes
Yet it’s someone else
She doesn’t know were she stands
She pleas for help
She can’t see her path.
It’s fogged; She’s lost
What happened to her?

Used to be someone here
She had an Identity
Now she looks, she sees Nothing
Who did this to her?
She sheds a tear every night
wondering where she belongs.
Does she exist?
Is she an Illusion?
Just an Illusion?

She wakes up every morning
Hate being here.
Her life seems like its nothing
All she has is constant fear.
Awaiting Death to come
What is she really thinking?

A path clears up
One path to follow
The path to suicide
The path to hell
Does she consider it?

No, she wants pain but nothing more
She is living her own little world war
Blood drips down from her wrist
Blood Cyst

I could’ve helped her but now she’s gone
I visit her grave, only when it’s dawn
She didn’t know it
She didn’t realize
She was something
Never was she nothing

Copyright Â© Rag_doll ... [ 2005-03-15 20:58:33]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Tormented Soul (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 09:11:13 PM AEST
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Wow...this gave me goosebumps. I really liked this. Excellent work.

Re: Tormented Soul (User Rating: 1 )
by Rag_doll on Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 09:11:32 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Post whatever comment I seriously need feedback and need a way to improve my skills.. good or bad I don't mind I just need simple feedback, thanks :)

Re: Tormented Soul (User Rating: 1 )
by kidpoet_213 on Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 09:16:42 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Oh! This is good! It is so true! I'm sure I know quite a few this describes... To a "T". But they haven't taken that final step yet. Hopefully they won't ever do it!
This is so emotional and very deep! You have done an awesome write... thanks for sharing.
~Donna~

Re: Tormented Soul (User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 09:28:31 PM AEST
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Deeply Emotional
well done.

Re: Tormented Soul (User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on Wednesday, 16th March 2005 @ 05:27:06 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

What an emotive poewerfull write.
This was just amazing i enjoyed reading it.

Jane

Re: Tormented Soul (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 17th March 2005 @ 06:05:57 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hmn. I find cutter poems to be too vague and ineffective at describing pain originally, since such pain seems to pervade their lives and is like a veil behind which their experience is tainted - to me at least.

I thought this showed promise, but I would suggest that you stick to meter in R&R, if you are going to rhyme anything to begin with.

Keep writing.

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