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Array
(
[sid] => 87478
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Star
[time] => 2005-03-14 20:19:19
[hometext] => I wrote this after my friend passed away..
[bodytext] => I used to sit outside at night and gaze upon the clear, undisturbed sky filled with millions and millions of enchanting stars.. They seemed so full of life....so...vibrant... I just wanted to reach out and grasp ahold of one, glittering ray of light, her star, and put it in my pocket for those mean and gloomy days. When I sat there, it was pure heaven. I felt like nothing could reach me, that I was an untouchable. It was always in those wee hours in the morning until the sun came up, that the world was most beautiful to me. All my anguish, all my sorrow, all my pain, it just seemed to melt away. Even in the winter, when it became cold and I could see my breath in the air, those stars, those beautiful enchanting stars, would shine and twinkle their best, bringing the promise of a new day. Then one day, I stopped caring about love and happiness. I let myself become filled with anguish, and I let it seep into my heart. My star was taken away from me... I still live my life day to day, laughing when my friends laugh, etc., but all the while I'm wondering... what do they see when they look into my eyes? Do they see the emptiness? Do they see the fanthoms of my sorrow? How about the child inside screaming for release? The anguish?...or Do I not show anything at all?.... Do they see it's all an act? I hope not, then they'll ask questions I don't have answers for....... I feel like I'm in a bottomless pit, falling into oblivion, or I'm underwater, running out of air, and I can't quite get to the surface for a refreshing breath.. I still kept watching those beautiful, vast stars, but only it became different. These stars weren't warm and inviting, as is a lover's soft caress; these stars seemed cold and unkind, like the ice around a ruthless heart. I guess the reason the stars suddenly changed, suddenly seemed cold and cruel, is because my heart has changed..... I used to believe in the good of people. I used to believe in love and hope and happily ever afters... I believe in it for other people, just not for me... I saw what the good of people did to me, and I don't care for it anymore.... There is a layer of ice slowly building up around my heart. I still sit outside in the wee hours of the morning before the sun shines its face, wishing with all my might that I could see those warm, inviting, beautiful, enchanted stars, but sadly they are now a memory, an emptiness, because there is nothing there when I look up. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 152 [topic] => 48 [informant] => deb_lalala [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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