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Array
(
[sid] => 86304
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Beautiful Remains
[time] => 2005-03-03 02:05:24
[hometext] => yup, it's true. ^_^ always, abraham
[bodytext] => The world has gone. I can barely stand to walk down the street. Everyday I see something that sickens me; a sadness weaving its way through traffic; car after car after car. I am sick of looking in mirrors trying to see the beautiful falsity in me that i see in everybody else. Is my physique not good enough? One hundred and twenty-five pounds Five ten brown hair an over bite a mustache and goatee trimmed thin spreading forever over mild pale skin. Large blue and yellow eyes sunken cheeks a ridged and twisted nose; I am not beautifully built I am not bronze and on display. I am meek and melancholy fighting the urge to frown. I have a strong heart beating wildly in my chest I have raw unbridled emotions suppressed and more afraid to cry than to let it all go. I have a constant headache pounding and pounding and pounding again the blackest black depths beating at my head. I am sick of staring at a tv seeing beautiful young women whore themselves for attention seeing fourteen year olds smeared in come and makeup. If I could only fall blind. If i could only find something beautiful remaining in the world. All the poetry all the ***** I write writing forever on empty spaces making forever empty still. I cannot find my way I cannot deal cope comprehend the world around me the walls closing in the windows painted black and bloody sills every room spinning I cannot even pray without goddamn slipping in my head. So i write and I do not write and I read and it remains more ugly and more beautiful everyday and I go to work I get up out of my bed I force my smile I spike my hair and play charming unaware oblivious to the world around me every moment being stabbed deeper deeper deeper until i can't stand it anymore until I want to scream. until my fingers are flying over the keyboard over their own aching bones and gritted teeth and I grab my temples and I crush my eyes and I cry and I cry and I cry and it never- it never goes away. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 170 [topic] => 48 [informant] => iodinelove [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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