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Array ( [sid] => 86012 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Dead Lovers Elegy [time] => 2005-02-28 18:35:00 [hometext] => comments appreciated, good and bad [bodytext] => Whispers..
you hear nothing but;
as the night falls low and the stars hang high.
She overcomes her fear to fly.
Up there, we see her soar...
she fails to find the loving pure.
We see her high...
...above the night above the everlasting winters sky.
We hear nothing but a sigh,
he finds her hanging silent limp,
he discovers rope, neck like blue her skin like black.
The cause remain it nameless,
to be voiced would not change back,
the tragedy nameth that.
Tears wouldnt shed nor did heart find time to beat,
only shakes upon the stance of thee, lost place upon thy feet.
Sweet lover, too late you were,
you run up above her and catch her sweet curve.
She fell, she hung, like a concrete rose
caught by a vine. She twisted swayed all up in her crime.
although she loved, and although you loved back,
her heart would not sit still.
She felt the warmth but cold would come
and with the need to kill.
Her scent will forever haunt you,
her voice will torment you whilst you sleep.
Her pale skin will leave your memory never,
forever on you'll weep.
The flowers pain will bring,
and like no other you will sing..

'My shattered angel I repent, Here my love is your lament.
Never will I sing such pain, and smile under the sun and rain.
Every night of you I'll dream, every morn my tears'll stream.
As I make this empty bed, my beats forget and tears shed.
Pins fall out and hopes collapse, someday we'll reunite perhaps?'

And so the dead live on..
they cry,
mourn whilst the rotting lie still.
The dead pray to find their loves,
sad thing's they never will.
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 231 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Deleterious_Dislike [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

The Dead Lovers Elegy

Contributed by Deleterious_Dislike on Monday, 28th February 2005 @ 06:35:00 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Whispers..
you hear nothing but;
as the night falls low and the stars hang high.
She overcomes her fear to fly.
Up there, we see her soar...
she fails to find the loving pure.
We see her high...
...above the night above the everlasting winters sky.
We hear nothing but a sigh,
he finds her hanging silent limp,
he discovers rope, neck like blue her skin like black.
The cause remain it nameless,
to be voiced would not change back,
the tragedy nameth that.
Tears wouldnt shed nor did heart find time to beat,
only shakes upon the stance of thee, lost place upon thy feet.
Sweet lover, too late you were,
you run up above her and catch her sweet curve.
She fell, she hung, like a concrete rose
caught by a vine. She twisted swayed all up in her crime.
although she loved, and although you loved back,
her heart would not sit still.
She felt the warmth but cold would come
and with the need to kill.
Her scent will forever haunt you,
her voice will torment you whilst you sleep.
Her pale skin will leave your memory never,
forever on you'll weep.
The flowers pain will bring,
and like no other you will sing..

'My shattered angel I repent, Here my love is your lament.
Never will I sing such pain, and smile under the sun and rain.
Every night of you I'll dream, every morn my tears'll stream.
As I make this empty bed, my beats forget and tears shed.
Pins fall out and hopes collapse, someday we'll reunite perhaps?'

And so the dead live on..
they cry,
mourn whilst the rotting lie still.
The dead pray to find their loves,
sad thing's they never will.

Copyright Â© Deleterious_Dislike ... [ 2005-02-28 18:35:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Dead Lovers Elegy (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Monday, 28th February 2005 @ 11:29:36 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

not one of your best, but better than most peoples standards.

Re: The Dead Lovers Elegy (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 01:30:31 AM AEST
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“as the night falls low and the stars hang high.”
A celestial contrast, whilst utilising vast imagery, well done!

“...above the night”
An interesting yet subtle use of figurative language.

I admire the use of old English, it fits well within this piece, also enhancing the romanticism between the two lovers.

“Like a concrete rose
caught by a vine.”
-Irony is much appreciated. And this is simply royal!

'My shattered angel I repent, Here my love is your lament.
Never will I sing such pain, and smile under the sun and rain.
Every night of you I'll dream, every morn my tears'll stream.
As I make this empty bed, my beats forget, and tears shed.
Pins fall out and hopes collapse, someday we'll reunite perhaps?'

I mostly enjoyed this portion.
It is more than perfect!

“And so the dead live on.”
Contradicting and ambiguous, I enjoyed the challenge, an excellent write.

Re: The Dead Lovers Elegy (User Rating: 1 )
by Scarlett on Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 05:22:16 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

that was brilliant, a bit too liong for my liking but different from anything of yours i've read before but well done. i liked the old language too, very effective. amazing imagery as always.

you make it look so easy! x x

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