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Array ( [sid] => 85615 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Rapture [time] => 2005-02-24 18:42:37 [hometext] => A rhyming attempt... I personally hate it, but I want to know what y'all think. Any comments would be lovely! merci. lots of love. *Fleur* [bodytext] => Can I drown in your endless sea,
This ocean of love you have for me?
Will you let me die in your comforting arms,
Fall helpless and enraptured in your beguiling charms?

I can’t seem to breathe when you speak,
A sigh from your satin lips is all I seek…
Perplexed by this enigmatic love,
Yet, the angels weep from up above,
Pristine tears of utter bliss,
As we partake in a perfect kiss…

No god or goddess could ever compare,
To the beauty of this love we both share…
Sometimes I wonder what you see in me,
And how this all came to be…
Then the winds whisper to me of Fate,
How two roads merge into one, and happiness is sometimes late…

But, here you are, my darling angel of night,
Taking away all the darkness, and restoring light…

I love you more than words can say,
And with those three expressions, I close my eyes and lay,
Floating atop waves of infinite dreams,

I’m in love with a faceless illusion, it seems…
[comments] => 7 [counter] => 182 [topic] => 2 [informant] => fleurdeSang [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 19 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LovePoetry )

Rapture

Contributed by fleurdeSang on Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 06:42:37 PM in AEST
Topic: LovePoetry

Can I drown in your endless sea,
This ocean of love you have for me?
Will you let me die in your comforting arms,
Fall helpless and enraptured in your beguiling charms?

I can’t seem to breathe when you speak,
A sigh from your satin lips is all I seek…
Perplexed by this enigmatic love,
Yet, the angels weep from up above,
Pristine tears of utter bliss,
As we partake in a perfect kiss…

No god or goddess could ever compare,
To the beauty of this love we both share…
Sometimes I wonder what you see in me,
And how this all came to be…
Then the winds whisper to me of Fate,
How two roads merge into one, and happiness is sometimes late…

But, here you are, my darling angel of night,
Taking away all the darkness, and restoring light…

I love you more than words can say,
And with those three expressions, I close my eyes and lay,
Floating atop waves of infinite dreams,

I’m in love with a faceless illusion, it seems…

Copyright Â© fleurdeSang ... [ 2005-02-24 18:42:37]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Rapture (User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 06:58:05 PM AEST
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Personally, I believe that it is wonderful. I have also been told that it is good to expiriment with new forms and challenge your self to new styles ... it leads to growth and development. And I don't think it would matter if it ryhmed or not ... your words are always so beautiful ...

Well penned Stephy,

Nazzy ~

Re: Rapture (User Rating: 1 )
by wolfman on Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 07:03:33 PM AEST
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bravo, this was a very good rhyming poem, I took note on your choice of words and structure. this is almost perfect, but it is flawless. the flow made it easy to read and yopu use of tender words was impeccable, very few poets who try rhytmic poetry for the first time do this well.

but take all this with a gran of salt. you need to chose your rhyming word a littel more constructivly, dont use words that are to close to looking and sounding similer, dont make any phrase to long for it throws off the flow, try and keep your stanzas in a stedy flow as well match up the length of then of make them shorter/longer with a differenc of no more then three. this A - A, B - B style is very helpful for beginers so try some more and when you get better at it try a new style and see where it goes from there. these are just my thoughts on that matter. hope to read more of you latter. be strong and God bless.

wolfman

Re: Rapture (User Rating: 1 )
by Moonglow on Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 07:19:51 PM AEST
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That was moving. You really wiped a lot of love poems out with that one. Great Write!

Re: Rapture (User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 08:33:56 PM AEST
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this is an divend piece of writing.
I love it.

Re: Rapture (User Rating: 1 )
by poetrygirl1991 on Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 06:07:53 AM AEST
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This was an excellent poem, u truly told how you feel bout that one person... its so good, good luck with you two~~chrissy

Re: Rapture (User Rating: 1 )
by sweetangeluk on Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 11:58:54 AM AEST
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Bravo Magnificent write. Loved the flow and the way you expressed the love in words.

Beautiful as always you write with a golden pen

Love Sweetangelukxxxxx

Re: Rapture (User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 12:02:13 PM AEST
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Wow Flawless! Wow! *impressed*

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