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Array
(
[sid] => 85372
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => 3-2=0
[time] => 2005-02-22 23:11:33
[hometext] => something that struck me earlier. gnawed at me until i wrote it.
[bodytext] => nine months of happiness you'd brought to my life tears of joy we shared as you said you'd be my wife it seemed but a moment before your stomach grew and we re-painted the spare bedroom blue each day seemed to greet us with surprises and bliss each night brought us closer with long talks and kisses you were my saviour with your soft hands and smiles you filled my dreams of heaven with sounds of laughter and tiny feet you were love in my arms and my prayers you were my everything and now... they said he was so drunk he didn't feel a thing as he plowed his oversized SUV into the Escort that your dad bought you for graduation i cry everytime i think of you alone as you aborted the steering wheel driven into your stomach and i always wonder if you were awake if you were aware enough to cry as our unborn child was forced from you all the words run together broken neck severe trauma internal bleeding kidneys failing life support but the words that always glare through are the two i can't except brain dead you always told me you didn't want to live that way and i'd smile and say "ok" because i never saw it coming and though you don't want to live that way i don't want to live without you out of love i've made the choice and i'm here to say goodbye i don't know if you can hear me and i don't know if i want you to but in a few minutes the doctors are going to come in and unplug......the machine there's so much i want to say but i don't even know... i want to hate you right now and i don't even know why it just seems easier than accepting what i really feel everything ahead just seems blank without you without the baby we should've had i'm sorry that i can't fix this i'm sorry that he hit you instead of me i'm sorry that you're alone wherever you are and i'm sorry that when i wake up tomorrow you won't be lying next to me i won't be able to roll over and kiss you to see the sunlight shine on your hair never get to wrestle you for the remote or stay up all night talking and planning never get to see our son grow up to watch him graduate have children of his own most of all i'm sorry that every plan we made is dead i love you more than i ever knew you are my world and wherever you go after this i'll be there soon and i'll find you the doctors are here now they're about to unplug the machine i hope you can feel my hand in yours' and this kiss on your cheek and i hope you can hear these words i love you, honey and i'll miss you goodbye [comments] => 6 [counter] => 257 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 18 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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