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(
[sid] => 85314
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => New day
[time] => 2005-02-22 16:18:40
[hometext] => Different, I guess. Please, if you comment, tell me if you think it should be longer. Constructive criticism also appreciated.
[bodytext] => Daylight stains the darkness,
To a kind of milky grey,
And shadows draw together,
To leave room for the light of day,
As night gives birth to morning,
A moonlit mother bore her sun,
Life starts over once again,
A new day has begun.
The seconds tick by slowly,
Marking moments of a new day born,
And nature sings of living,
As it awakens to the brand new morn.
While the early bird sings of freedom,
As it glides on wings as light as wind,
A curtain will slide back from the sun,
Just so the new day can begin.
[comments] => 18
[counter] => 293
[topic] => 27
[informant] => lostinmyself
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 40
[ratings] => 8
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => NaturePoetry
)
New day
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 04:18:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
NaturePoetry
|
Daylight stains the darkness,
To a kind of milky grey,
And shadows draw together,
To leave room for the light of day,
As night gives birth to morning,
A moonlit mother bore her sun,
Life starts over once again,
A new day has begun.
The seconds tick by slowly,
Marking moments of a new day born,
And nature sings of living,
As it awakens to the brand new morn.
While the early bird sings of freedom,
As it glides on wings as light as wind,
A curtain will slide back from the sun,
Just so the new day can begin.
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2005-02-22 16:18:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 04:23:31 PM AEST
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Beautiful, sweet, inspirational and just plain gorgeous. I love it how it is, I think its perfect... and it couldn't be written any better than it is. Excellent.
Take Care
- Becca |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShadowDaughter on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 04:42:12 PM AEST
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Ooh, hon, it's lovely. The first line is my favorite; just the image that brings to mind. This is beautiful. Oh, and I think the, uh, shortness (er, whatever it should be called) adds to it-- you somehow manage to suffuse the simplicity and power of nature into it. Wonderful, popsicular one :).
much love and no sorries,
Nora |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 05:36:36 PM AEST
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Phil, your words always paint beautiful pictures. This is no exception.
If I were to sugest anything ... it would be less little words that become repetitive ...
"... As it glides on wings as light as wind ... "
Could be written ... Gliding on wings light as wind ...
I love it as it is written though and had to read through three times to find anything I would do differently. It is not too short, it seems to leave me wanting more ... but the way a sunrise leaves me wondering what the day will bring. I like that.
Nazzy ~ |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 06:01:38 PM AEST
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********************************************************************************************************************************************************************
NEED I SAY MORE? Dorian Chambers |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 06:16:51 PM AEST
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Sunrise always has that special moment that brings us into the new day.
Phil, This is a wonderful tribute to that moment! |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 07:02:40 PM AEST
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First off, cheers to DC for making your poem page all bappet. duh.
The length is fine, but the ending has me thinking;
"the early bird sings freedom's song,
As it glides on wings as light as wind,
A curtain drawn, will shine the sun,
Just so the new day can begin."
I'm rhyming assonantly there. I think the rhythm works out with a little more accuracy. I like short poems - they often capture more than twenty stanzas ever could.
Enjoyable and uplifting, Phil. Hope this helps.
Keep writing. |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Arsenic on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 07:12:06 PM AEST
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Lost,
As far as the length goes, don't chang a thing. But then, I'm partial to shorter poems anyhow!
Content, nice painting for us. Maybe try to get in some more viberent colors...but I do like your
style here.
ARSENIC |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 07:41:38 PM AEST
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Beautiful piece. I think the length is fine as is. And I love the imagery. Well done, my friend.
Andrew |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 08:36:17 PM AEST
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beautifully expressed and written Phil.
It's not short at all. It's captivating leaving the reader to paint a picture in their heads about a new day.
Great work Phil, I throughly enjoyed this one |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Wednesday, 23rd February 2005 @ 07:50:34 AM AEST
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I wouldnt change a thing Phil, this was just lovely and uplifting.
the imagery was fantastic and its so refreshing to read.
Great poem Phil.
*Hugs*
Jane ^_^ |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 23rd February 2005 @ 07:53:38 AM AEST
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ohh Phil that was so wonderful I just loved it, you rerally dont need to change anything atall it was spot on *hugs*
pix xx |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 07:50:31 AM AEST
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I seldom (probably never) think a poem should be longer. I sometimes think they should say more, but not be longer. This is wonderful! It reflects the Phil who is emerging and who was there all along wrapped in the coccoon of night and waiting the spark of day. What a wonderful read for my first poem of a new morning.
BTW, it snowed here and everything is lovely, clean white today.
Stitch |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Sunday, 27th February 2005 @ 03:15:03 PM AEST
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Honestly Phil, this is so lovely that I wish it went on and on for hours. If you were to expand on these thoughts and continue the story, keep on painting the scene... it could turn out even better than it is I think-- as long as that's even possible. It gives me the kind of feeling that reading A Midsummer Night's Dream did--this enchanting, peaceful, spectacularly multicolored mood or mindset-- and I love it for that. I'd love to see you add to this.
Just my humble yet poetically hungry opinion.
Lots of love and peace be with you,
Chelsea |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 1st March 2005 @ 05:07:14 PM AEST
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wow i thought this piece was perfected .
I wouldn't change a thing.Again philly yout poetry are outstanding.I love and enjoy reading your writes.
hugs |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 12th March 2005 @ 03:03:52 PM AEST
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truely beautiful and perfect as it is but i could have read on and on if you'd so chosen to keep writing:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Saturday, 12th March 2005 @ 05:28:35 PM AEST
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Beautiful.
Scott |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 01:12:47 AM AEST
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I luv it jus the way it is.
it's beautifull.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: New day
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 06:26:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is an excellent write. Great job. |
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