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Array
(
[sid] => 84708
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Blinded By Self Pity
[time] => 2005-02-17 06:07:36
[hometext] => I wrote this after too much wine and self imposed isolation. I just couldn't escape the loneliness or stop wallowing.
[bodytext] => I love him so much and he has been so sweet and supportive Yet today I don’t feel that I didn’t feel that way yesterday either Is he bored of me, does my plight elude him? Am I not asking for help? Or more so seeking attention in his eyes? Is that why he is cold towards me today? Is it my imagination? Something feels dark and empty this night deep within. I want to cry out to his heart and ask him to help me out of this darkness. All I need is his comforting arms and a word or two to tell me it’s all going to be okay. He struggles with my negativity when these difficult times come. He tries to support me but finds my behaviour frustrating. All I need are a few words of encouragement But then would I hear them anyway? Is this not just a waste of his time? I can’t be positive and grow all the time, it’s inhuman. I sit here looking at the flowers he bought me on my window ledge. Somehow I feel like a frustrated mental patient locked away. I am a mental patient but only of my own demise today. He loves me I know that but does he see me as a mental patient? I do feel like I’m in some kind of hospital or institution. All I ask today is a kind word from someone, but still I probably won’t hear you. I’m far too wrapped up in my self pity to hear anything. Maybe that’s why the world feels so cold today. I know its all in my head but I can’t escape this emotional prison I’ve created. No one can understand how this feels. Not even the man I love whom I adore. He does what he can but he cannot cure me. I’m not sure anyone can. It would be wrong to ask. This is my problem and I’ll get there on my own. Don’t mind me I’m just wallowing in self pity. I’m not worth your time. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 157 [topic] => 32 [informant] => crickle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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