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Array
(
[sid] => 84619
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The Isolation Cycle
[time] => 2005-02-16 12:58:09
[hometext] => This is a poem about the frustration a person who has been abused faces when they repress their feelings.The demons do come back and haunt u It affects all of us who have been hurt over and over. The self pitying character was my mood today. I am not mad!
[bodytext] => Slowly applying her make up she tries to hide the puffy blotches around her eyes Once again her heart lays heavy with the burden of her past actions The mistakes she made, the people she hurt But inevitably the one she hurt the most was herself through her own actions. She breaths a sigh and tries to pull herself together She doesn’t want to spend yet another day indoors hiding in regret, Withdrawn from people and loved ones through self loathing. But these days come when she thinks she’s on top of the world She smiles and with boundless energy appears like nothing hurts But deep down she hurts. She hurts so badly sometimes that she wants to run away Nothing or no one can release her pain at these times. Self imprisoned she fights her memories and mistakes She cries and tears at her flesh as if it’s the one who hurt her so much in the past An eruption of anger so strong she feels insane and uncontrolled Sometimes she forgets who she is anymore Then it passes, back to hiding her tears, covering the blotches and off she goes with a smile Back into the world that she cannot understand. There never seems to be a way out from that disabling emotion but to hide! Later that day she returns, still burdened she cries out at the walls ‘Why won’t this pain go away?’ She feels herself screaming inside and her body shakes So angry, so low and desperate she reaches out for the bottle Gulping the red wine as she dreams of reprieve But even after a drink she knows the pain will just come back to her in her dreams Countless days pass and she wakes up in emotional turmoil Staring intently at the glass of red wine she starts to wonder ‘What am I doing this for? Why am I bothering?’ But a few glasses later she knows why she’s done it She knows why she has abused herself once again She’s done it cos she hates herself. She finishes off the past abusers work all on her own. An empty cigarette packet drops to the floor as she collapses on her bed Her head empty and body weak with exhaustion and the toxins running through her ‘I will never get there’ she whimpers to herself as she cuddles the blankets This world just seems to much sometimes for her So she drifts into slumber and the dreams start again The next day she awakes and it all feels just like another terrible dream. ‘Never again’ she moans as she answers the door to her infant son He cuddles her and she mentally kicks herself for being so selfish It’s the boy that needs her; she has no time to feel her pain anymore, And once again repression starts until that dark day comes for her to go back into her drunken isolation. [comments] => 7 [counter] => 173 [topic] => 32 [informant] => crickle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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