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Array
(
[sid] => 83250
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Ready To Die
[time] => 2005-02-06 17:50:49
[hometext] => Feedback appreciated
[bodytext] => Staring into the sky, wishing it would rain To wash away the tears that fall from pain I look at my body and get sick from hate Then I begin to wish for the end, an early fate I’m haunted by the ninth grade Nazi’s that always joked But it was the rage in me they always provoked I’d rather be hurt by sticks and stones Rather than words that carve into my bones I’d whisper “Mirror, mirror on the wall.. Why can’t I be thin and tall?” Then I’d shatter the mirror to cut myself here and there And if I emptied a vein, I wouldn’t care Sanity is staring at the scars I’ve made Evidence of nights I praised my razorblade I was trying to ease my affliction Instead my body’s become a bloody depiction I’m cursed with this razor’s oppression And feed its flame with this depression I’m both feared and taunted And by these memories I’m haunted I remember the nights my blood splattered the bathroom walls And my screams of anguish echoed through the halls But now, I have no more places to run And with each breath, I’m coming undone I simply can’t do this anymore And I can’t figure out what this life’s for So I’ve chosen to go gentle into that good night I won’t scream and I won’t fight I’ll be the best victim there could ever be And just another statistic will become of me I won’t kneel, and I won’t pray And I won’t beg to live another day I’ll quietly take my final breath And secretly escape into my death I’ll not sob and I won’t shed a tear Because tonight I know the end is finally here With each pill, I become death’s best friend Because he’s going to bring all this misery to an end And I will become Lucifer’s favorite victim For I so easily let him win This is the only way to right everything wrong This is the only way to forever be numb I’ll leave a letter for everyone to read Then maybe they’ll understand my selfish deed Oh, how I wish I could sleep all day long And I wish I could sing a happy song I wish that I could just be brave But instead I’m running and digging my grave Amazing grace is gone, I’ve already fell Tonight I’m on my way to a burning hell I’m finally letting my demons win And giving in to my self indulgent sin I left my sanity at the door I’d rather not have it anymore Because I know these wounds are never going to heal And this pain, I’m forever going to feel So here I sit in my corner all alone And wait for such peace I have never known My writings of pain riddle the floor Boldly expressing the words “I can’t take it anymore” I’ve taken the remedy and here I lie Waiting and longing only to die For this life has sentenced me to death Here I am breathing my last breath I’m ready now to say goodbye And I’m ready now, ready to die -Amanda Bentley [comments] => 4 [counter] => 185 [topic] => 36 [informant] => Amanda_Interrupted [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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