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Array
(
[sid] => 83244
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Imminent Danger
[time] => 2005-02-06 16:31:46
[hometext] => For Timebot's Challenge..... hope it's ok, Jules!
[bodytext] =>
If I were to feel
I would torment myself
With the pain of knowing
What I will do to you
How desperate I would be
To stop myself
From pulling you down
And pushing you away
As I rage against the world
And if I could change
I would silence the anger
That is growing inside me
So it wouldn't destroy you
How I would beg to die
Before I had lived
Long enough to cause pain
And undue devastation
As I violate life's tranquility
But I am powerless...
Ironic though that may be
I cannot deny what I am
Nor escape what I must do
For fate set my course
The very moment that two
Like stone, crashed together
In the absence of compassion
And gave birth to me
- And now -
Unable to divert myself
I am moving toward you
Please...
Forgive me for what I am about to do.
[comments] => 15
[counter] => 284
[topic] => 39
[informant] => Silent-No-More
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 40
[ratings] => 8
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => Grief
)
Imminent Danger
Contributed by
Silent-No-More
on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 04:31:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
If I were to feel
I would torment myself
With the pain of knowing
What I will do to you
How desperate I would be
To stop myself
From pulling you down
And pushing you away
As I rage against the world
And if I could change
I would silence the anger
That is growing inside me
So it wouldn't destroy you
How I would beg to die
Before I had lived
Long enough to cause pain
And undue devastation
As I violate life's tranquility
But I am powerless...
Ironic though that may be
I cannot deny what I am
Nor escape what I must do
For fate set my course
The very moment that two
Like stone, crashed together
In the absence of compassion
And gave birth to me
- And now -
Unable to divert myself
I am moving toward you
Please...
Forgive me for what I am about to do.
Copyright ©
Silent-No-More
... [
2005-02-06 16:31:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Taurusgem1 on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 04:33:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Excellent, But sad... Envoked great emotion. Keep it up.. |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 04:35:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Excellent poem.
Scott |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 07:06:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
"The very moment that two
Like stone, crashed together "
I find that a most appropriate image for this poem. I'm not about to surmise who it is about, since it could be anyone, in truth. But I will say that it was immersive to a point of empathetic alignment . . . and reads like a council for a condemned man's defence . . . or something.
Strong and memorable.
Thanks for taking the challenge - I can't wait for the next one! |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 07:31:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Seems to me to either be a tornado personifies or someone with that temperment. Anyway, this is very good and I will be adding you to the challenge sheet shortly. Nice work! |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 04:48:17 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I am filled with images of the movie Armegeddon ... and a meteor attempting to apologize away the inevitable collision and devastation it will cause upon impact with earth ... well that and images of Liv Tyler ... where were we ? Oh, sorry. I could be off base but either way, I believe for stepping out of one's normal method of penmanship, this is a fabulous triumph !!! Well done SNM, I loved it !!!
Nazzy ~ |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 09:05:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
This is almost overwhelming. Sometimes I am just not feeling up to your poetry. Maybe I should just come back later. Sorry, I expect better of myself than this. I'm going to come back later.
Stitch |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 8th February 2005 @ 04:15:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Hmnnnn.
"From pulling you down
And pushing you away"
. . .
"The very moment that two
Like stone, crashed together "
Is it . . . a gun??
N_F
*thinking himself quite clever at this moment* |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 8th February 2005 @ 04:17:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
No wait!
A bullet!
. . ?
N_F
*is doubting his earlier assumed cleverness* |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 9th February 2005 @ 05:34:13 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
*does pensive Mr. Burns impression*
Its not -
- a gun
- a bullet
- a meteor / comet
- a tornado
- a person (even though you did say a 'who' in a previous PM, confusing me no end, heh.
So, I'm now guessing that its a . . .
TSUNAMI . . .
And yes - thanks for the clue - the poem you stated in reference wasn't deleted as such - it now resides in the premium members section - that's why you couldn't find it. ;o)
Great poem, now that I understand it all clearly . . . |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 9th February 2005 @ 10:05:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Now that I understand the antropomorphic (does that word actually work here?) concepts behind this, it 's perfectly clear. Nice work. You certainly gave yourself quite a challenge---and I think you gave Nep one, too.
Stitch |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 11th February 2005 @ 05:27:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Very well-portrayed emotion, especially the ending. You've a fine piece here.
Andrew |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 13th February 2005 @ 06:29:07 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Oh my oh my oh my...
This is a stumper.
It is also really good.
I would have to agree with Nep though, A Tsunami?
I love these poems, they twist the mind and make it work, and I woulnd never be able to guess this myself..
Great write hun.
*hugs* Phil xxx
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Saturday, 26th March 2005 @ 03:50:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| This is a very good , strong write. |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 02:00:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
A very realistic, thought provoking write.
I remember having 'bouts of anger when I'd pray, "Father god please help the ****** ****** that gets in my way.
I'd say u captured your subject well.
hugggs,
emy |
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Re: Imminent Danger
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 01:10:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
OMG, this is incredible. I confess that I haven't the slightest idea what you're writing about here but it speaks so loudly to me as it relates to my own life and what I had to do with my Mom.
Especially.....
Please...
Forgive me for what I am about to do.
I thought those very exact words the morning of the day I had to put her in that...that...home...which seems not a home at all!
Tis a sad poem and even though I do not fully understand it, it is an incredible write!
Tim
And yeah, it does sorta remind me of a meteor headed towards earth with impending doom too. |
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