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Array ( [sid] => 82605 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Words don't hurt at six feet [time] => 2005-02-02 08:14:27 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Runners racing round a track.
One's falling behind, and none
look back. His muscles lack
what it takes to match their
pace in this race. It's
all he can take to
not fall flat on his face.
He watches the other's long graceful
strides, they glide with ease,
he feels overwhelmed by the
pain in his knees. Can't take
anymore. Feeling hopeless he slows,
out the window his life goes.
They could have saved him,
but they didn't care, it wasn't
fair. They snickered and stared,
laughed under their breath, about the
insults that would cause his
death. They might feel bad now,
but how long till they forget how much
their words hurt, and all of those
the word put under six feet
of dirt...?
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 248 [topic] => 36 [informant] => Zaknafein8891 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )

Words don't hurt at six feet

Contributed by Zaknafein8891 on Wednesday, 2nd February 2005 @ 08:14:27 AM in AEST
Topic: Suicide

Runners racing round a track.
One's falling behind, and none
look back. His muscles lack
what it takes to match their
pace in this race. It's
all he can take to
not fall flat on his face.
He watches the other's long graceful
strides, they glide with ease,
he feels overwhelmed by the
pain in his knees. Can't take
anymore. Feeling hopeless he slows,
out the window his life goes.
They could have saved him,
but they didn't care, it wasn't
fair. They snickered and stared,
laughed under their breath, about the
insults that would cause his
death. They might feel bad now,
but how long till they forget how much
their words hurt, and all of those
the word put under six feet
of dirt...?

Copyright © Zaknafein8891 ... [ 2005-02-02 08:14:27]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Words don't hurt at six feet (User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on Wednesday, 2nd February 2005 @ 10:55:18 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

The feel and the emphasis in this poem was eye catching.

Although I am not one to offer constructive criticism usually, I do think this has alot of potential. You obviously have deep thoughts and a way with expression.

I think it would be easier to read if it were placed into stanzas and if some of the wording were taken out. The overall I truly liked.

I believe this is the first poem i've read of yours and I hope you will continue submitting because the more you write the easier it comes...

Kie

Re: Words don't hurt at six feet (User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on Wednesday, 2nd February 2005 @ 11:20:09 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I like what you had to say. Good write. Lots of emotion. Much peace to you

Re: Words don't hurt at six feet (User Rating: 1 )
by ArseCrust on Thursday, 3rd February 2005 @ 06:51:40 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i like the way you put the poem i think it is very good and unique

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