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Array
(
[sid] => 81197
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => i am the shadow
[time] => 2005-01-23 22:59:15
[hometext] => a bit of a confession, I suppose. a bit different, yet sadly, much the same.
[bodytext] => Every line is blurring blame grows harder to place the path is not so clear now if it ever really was Alone with a shadow that's become so alien to me sometimes I'm not even sure who I am anymore and even the confusion seems far away I think I used to love a girl who seemed alot like me but that was so very long ago and she's become a stranger to me or maybe i'm the stranger It's hard to have an honest view of yourself too much room for interpretation and self-deceit and the only ones that you can trust never tell you the truth Is it just a split-personality or full blown insanity? i'd like to reach out and touch someone, something familiar but nothing is familiar anymore Each day I wake to a world I don't know and it seems like only yesterday that I had all the answers and now I can't even be sure that yesterday existed at all If this all seems confused there's a good reason there is always a good reason it's just the understanding that grows elusive and before you know it you've spent your life chasing something intangible and you've grown old and wasted it all even though your body is still young (age is in the mind, not the shell) 22 years of hatred and rage and what do I have to show? knowledge important only to me and a fistful of scars that still show inside, the toll hasn't gone unnoticed cynical beyond my right and full of dreams that don't seem so important anymore there's an irony here somewhere but I don't suppose it matters and when i'm gone they'll talk, as they so often do no need to whisper anymore and they'll pose their theories and relay rumors that they've heard and in the endless wasteland of their ignorance they will believe that they knew me but they never even had a clue for gossip and speculation are so much more exciting than the truth they wouldn't hear this this rant, this whine, this confession means nothing at all for nothing will change just fill up another little slot in existence and become a blurry memory even to me the more I look at my alien shadow the more I understand why it seems so strange because i'm looking up at a three dimensional creature whose face seems so familiar and as he steps, I follow him until the sun sets and erases me for another night I stare at him with eyes I don't have and struggle to hate him yet I feel nothing he has absorbed and I have surrendered free, in a way that feels like bleeding slowly emptying I am the shadow [comments] => 4 [counter] => 196 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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