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Array ( [sid] => 81098 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Afraid for humanity [time] => 2005-01-23 05:46:18 [hometext] => i havent done this style before,so comments if it worked or not much appreciated plz [bodytext] => I look around and see an absence,
Of love which has been replaced with malice,
Of thought which has been thoughtless for to long,
Of meaningless lyrics that to often take song,

I see the world and feel fright,
Like a child kidnapped in the pitiless night,
Like a victim in a guns unmerciful sight,
Like a man that can no longer see the light,

I know the truth has no case,
In my world which it has no trace,
In my world which it has no face,
In my world which it is not interlaced

People are the cause of this pain,
People it is I place all the blame,
People it is I cannot save,
For people it is, give me my grave
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 189 [topic] => 13 [informant] => bluebird [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 6 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Afraid for humanity

Contributed by bluebird on Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 05:46:18 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

I look around and see an absence,
Of love which has been replaced with malice,
Of thought which has been thoughtless for to long,
Of meaningless lyrics that to often take song,

I see the world and feel fright,
Like a child kidnapped in the pitiless night,
Like a victim in a guns unmerciful sight,
Like a man that can no longer see the light,

I know the truth has no case,
In my world which it has no trace,
In my world which it has no face,
In my world which it is not interlaced

People are the cause of this pain,
People it is I place all the blame,
People it is I cannot save,
For people it is, give me my grave

Copyright © bluebird ... [ 2005-01-23 05:46:18]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Afraid for humanity (User Rating: 1 )
by Xnoybis on Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 05:58:08 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Personally, I like the style. I write a lot like that myself. It's kind of a double edge sword, I think..

On one hand, it seems very basic and "easy" to do a rhyme, rhyme style like that, or so it has been told to me. I like to think the content matters more though. I use this style a lot myself..one, because I think it makes more snse ot more people. But two, because I like the "brutality" of repetition sometimes..it can be a very powerful tool.

I think, insofar as what style you use, it should just be a matter of what feels right for what you want to convey, and that's all that matters. The inner voices speak at thier own pace, and in their own individual way. At least, that is what I have found.

In regards to thjis poem in particular, I have felt that way myself, and have written to that degree somewhere, at some time. I liked it.

Re: Afraid for humanity (User Rating: 1 )
by NeonHusky on Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 01:51:11 PM AEST
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the style is repetitive, which i like...but i wouldn't do it for every poem it could get old. and finding so many things to rhyme with one word can get difficult. but it adds power to the poem, good job ;)

Re: Afraid for humanity (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 02:59:27 PM AEST
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any style works, if the piece is good enough to back it up.

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