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Array
(
[sid] => 8010
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Cut
[time] => 2002-12-05 17:20:00
[hometext] => a sister finding out about a severe cut that left her nearly dead. she took it too far and cant stop even through she could have died.
[bodytext] => the rambuctuous intention to slice was on my mind that night.
i lingered to the kitchen with no less that fright. i didnt want to get caught you see, as blood on my arm would soon pour down on me. i took a knife and took a cut. the bitter extacy of lucious pain overwhelmed me but i dont know what, made me jittery that night, because soon, i saw a glowing light. i slinked behind the counter with the blade still perssed on my inner wrist. i closed my eyes and shook with a yerning for more pain and bliss such as a burning kiss, to take me away from my reality, drive me from my mortality. a cut was nothing but a simple drawn of blood. just a rush of excrucinating confusional pain of a flood. nothing could stop me from my distastorous deed, as the cut on my arm began to bleed. footsteps pressed upon the floor that moment, the sweet smell of cucumber melon scent, overwhelmed me when i saw my sister right there, looking at me with saddness, fright, and despair. i didnt know how to react. let alone i felt alone in fact, that she stared at me with burning tears right then, and i hoped as blood kept pouring that it wasnt my end. i felt cold and dark just crouched there staring at her, her staring at me, my cut there. she asked me, "Why did you do that?!" the only thing i could do was shug. "you couldnt understand that." but she shook her head tears slapping the ground, and she looked at me with a worried frown. "I dont want you to die." she said. "i'm not going to die..." i told her as i bled. blood poured on my clothes red, and i knew right then i went to far. close to dead. she called nine one one so quick, and i felt my self fall as the phone made a click. weak and cold scared and tired, i heard the sirens and the wired. they came soon quick so swift to fast, and got me into the emergency room at last. they stopped the bleeding, and took a reading, my heart at a normal beat, my body now at a normal heat, and my arm stitched, my sister b**ched, as i got my tecnus shot. from a cut i should have not, i survived that night from that cut, and my parents stared at me but i knew right then they were in shame, that they might feel that were to blame because i never could tell them the reason, why i cut in this season. the doctor came to me and looked at me. staring at him i could see, that things would never be right, because his lips were pressed so tight. i lost alot of blood he defined, and not seeing the problems my family were blind. on my arm were excessive cuts and scratches, and scars in little batches. they put me on zoloft you see, and now i dont know if im even happy. i promised my mother i wouldnt cut, but you see i still want to cut. what if my time comes and it goes to far? that im so unhappy some how and i make a scar? i nearly lost my life i remember... and that night i tried was a blur... as i made that cut and bled so much, that i died right then but reawoken by a touch, of a cut that took a day of my life i want back, but you only live one life and you choose what to do with your life without a lack. so i can never take back that cut i made, from a distant pain and raid, of wanting to flee from the pain, that a cut is something you do when your not sane. [comments] => 8 [counter] => 338 [topic] => 36 [informant] => frozensuicide [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 19 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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