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Array ( [sid] => 78869 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Dancing on a dream [time] => 2005-01-07 13:03:07 [hometext] => Ok, I have already been told that this is confusing, so anything anyone can offer in the way of constructive criticism is appreciated. Thankyou. [bodytext] =>

Dancing on the melting snow, whilst wandering in a forgotten dream,
Where I am I do not know, as I'm lost in memories of things I've seen,
Smothered up in warmth and joy, as I dance with thoughts to which I'd cried,
But tears no longer sting my eyes, the memories now just make them shine,
And I twirled and swayed in dreams embrace, and wondered how the words became,
And wondered whose voice propelled me along, right there on my personal stage,
(Until I realized that it was mine..)

Step by step I turned within, the dream where words flowed free,
And as I sung, notes were heard, and swept away a little part of me,
And as my voice became one, with the zephyr and the snow,
I became a song and dance, that I do not even know.
But the words were within me, though I know not from where they came,
And every word, and every heartbeat, now sounded both the same.
(And I knew that it was mine..)

And right there in that haunted air, as I sung in that field of dreams,
I realized that everything I had ever wanted, wasn't as hard to find as it seemed,
And as the sun glistened upon the snow, the ice melted round my heart,
And while I knew the pain hadn't gone, for a moment I could not hurt,
And I pondered on how long it took, to know such a simple thing,
Who's thoughts were within my mind, who's memories made me sing.
(But I knew that they were mine...)

And I was dancing on the dream all along, inside my own fairy world,
Twirling in the melting snow, on top of my own little cloud,
And as I looked across the atmostphere, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
A tiny little part of me, hoped it would no longer be a dream....
(And that it would be mine...)

[comments] => 21 [counter] => 251 [topic] => 14 [informant] => lostinmyself [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 52 [ratings] => 11 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DreamsandWishes )
Dancing on a dream

Contributed by lostinmyself on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 01:03:07 PM in AEST
Topic: DreamsandWishes



Dancing on the melting snow, whilst wandering in a forgotten dream,
Where I am I do not know, as I'm lost in memories of things I've seen,
Smothered up in warmth and joy, as I dance with thoughts to which I'd cried,
But tears no longer sting my eyes, the memories now just make them shine,
And I twirled and swayed in dreams embrace, and wondered how the words became,
And wondered whose voice propelled me along, right there on my personal stage,
(Until I realized that it was mine..)

Step by step I turned within, the dream where words flowed free,
And as I sung, notes were heard, and swept away a little part of me,
And as my voice became one, with the zephyr and the snow,
I became a song and dance, that I do not even know.
But the words were within me, though I know not from where they came,
And every word, and every heartbeat, now sounded both the same.
(And I knew that it was mine..)

And right there in that haunted air, as I sung in that field of dreams,
I realized that everything I had ever wanted, wasn't as hard to find as it seemed,
And as the sun glistened upon the snow, the ice melted round my heart,
And while I knew the pain hadn't gone, for a moment I could not hurt,
And I pondered on how long it took, to know such a simple thing,
Who's thoughts were within my mind, who's memories made me sing.
(But I knew that they were mine...)

And I was dancing on the dream all along, inside my own fairy world,
Twirling in the melting snow, on top of my own little cloud,
And as I looked across the atmostphere, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
A tiny little part of me, hoped it would no longer be a dream....
(And that it would be mine...)





Copyright © lostinmyself ... [ 2005-01-07 13:03:07]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 01:11:20 PM AEST
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Doesn't seem at all confusing to me. Funny how it echos something that I hope to feel someday, but seems so far away at this moment. Anyhow, *I* like it and don't find it confusing. We dream of contentment and satisfaction and wake to find we are still looking for it. Some of us try to keep on dancing even if we never find it. And sometimes we do... Hugs!


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by autumngreeneyes on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 01:14:53 PM AEST
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I think it's just a little bit wordy..but I get it..you're out in the snow..dancing and living in a world of memories..and you make a discovery.. that as long as your living in those memories..you aren't in pain ..so you hope it can go on..but you realize it can't.. The memories are happy and they make you sing..Do I have it?? or am I all wrong..?

it's snowing here...


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 04:10:36 PM AEST
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not confusing at all
i enjoyed reading it and have to agree with autumngreeneyes's comments
luv,
sue


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 04:53:23 PM AEST
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I think this is dreamy .I dont find it confusing either. I rarely ever give out constructive criticism as Im not a professional nor a teacher but I would find nothing as is to construct on or critise a wonderful blissful piece this is
Michelle


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 05:01:17 PM AEST
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Change your who's to whose and you've got perfection.
Stitch
(sitting here is amazement---YOU GO, GIRL!)


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 06:18:51 PM AEST
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I don't find it confusing either... I find it gorgeous and it could very well be a song
Awesome Phil!


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by the_Ghost_Moth on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 06:45:09 PM AEST
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I'm not sure what exactly you want
us to believe the inner you is,
if that's what you're saying.

__ghosty


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by the_Ghost_Moth on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 07:08:12 PM AEST
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Got kicked off my computer in
the middle of what I was saying...
I think it starts out being about a memory...
Maybe a dream that did not come true,
to your regret.
There seems to be an inner voice
or knowledge, maybe
the real you, that's pulled you
thru times you felt you didn't know who you had become?
I don't know.
Not sure how transparent
you want it to be,
and sacrifice the poetry.

--Ghosty.


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Friday, 7th January 2005 @ 08:10:48 PM AEST
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Very good writing.
Don't know what's confussing about it after all it's a dream. It's your dream and u shared it.
Not just anyone can interpit their own dreams let alone someone elses.
Keep up the good writing. This reminds me of a dream my father once told me about,especially this part. I became a song and dance, that I do not even know.
But the words were within me, though I know not from where they came,

keep up the dreaming and awesome writing.
huggs, smiles,
emy


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 03:19:32 AM AEST
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Ok i dont find it confusing too. I agree with everyone its sort of a dreamy poem. This is really brilliant Phil just love the way you composed this. Love it.

Hugs,
Jane x


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 07:26:47 AM AEST
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mmmm I could fall asleep with those words drifting round inside my head it was so lovely and peaceful, it has deepth to it and is expressed well
love pix xx


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Sunday, 9th January 2005 @ 05:05:18 PM AEST
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truely beautiful:) hugs n' love nessa

@->>->:-


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on Friday, 14th January 2005 @ 12:14:19 AM AEST
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I think I've had one of these moments ---- when suddenly something is so crystal clear, it seems impossible that you didn't see it/know it all along. I adore the lines in parenthesis... they are so telling and so wonderful - the last one particularly.

"for a moment I couldn't hurt" ---- is simply extraordinary. That's "peace" I think, Philly --- a moment of peace. And I wish you that... not just for a moment, but always.

If I offered any constructive criticism - it would be to agree with Mary... my initial instinct was that it was somewhat wordy. But, I let go of that thought as I read --- for I thought reworking it, shortening it up, might take something away from it... and that, would be horrid.

I enjoyed this, Phil --- as a reader... and a friend,
SNM


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on Saturday, 15th January 2005 @ 05:18:54 PM AEST
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This poem does have a mystical dreamlike quality. Sort of fairy tale like.

A beautiful write
Willofree


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on Thursday, 20th January 2005 @ 01:31:08 AM AEST
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I'm stunned, Phil. That was so beautiful and picturesque, enough to tame a furious dragon. Salute! *hugs*


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 20th January 2005 @ 07:06:52 AM AEST
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OK.

Uhh, the first stanza is self aggrandizing.
The second addresses your Muse.
The third describes how Musing thaws your pain.
And finally, the third is about regaining hope and faith in your dreams.

*wonders if he should give you his version*

Hmn. In a PM, methinks. This one's a bit long (and does lose its cadence and rhyme).
But not confusing, by a long stretch, Phil.

Keep writing.


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 21st January 2005 @ 08:14:17 AM AEST
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Dreamy and full of self realization.
I agree, not confusing and so very penned!


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Sapphire_Blue on Monday, 24th January 2005 @ 07:33:17 AM AEST
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Dreams are magic, wishes are free, granted with our imaginations and a will to be free, Beautiful write, Phil


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on Sunday, 30th January 2005 @ 01:35:20 PM AEST
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Beautifully Done Lost . Emily would be proud :-)

Whisper


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Bleeding_Nightmares on Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 11:03:27 AM AEST
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Long yet very descriptive, flowing with coolness and refreshing feelings.


Re: Dancing on a dream (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 17th February 2005 @ 09:48:54 AM AEST
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Beautiful. I dont find it confusing at all, I especially liked the ending. Gorgeous imagry, I could just see it all with a purply colour fuzz around the edges. heh

Take Care
- Becca




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