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Array ( [sid] => 78166 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => removdfromgrace [time] => 2005-01-02 15:21:35 [hometext] => [bodytext] => since i cant say it i will write it
last year was difficult
i was poisoned w anger
i played the fool
i played insane
i said everything that came to mind
and made my words in riddles
to torture
myself
and those i blamed
all to keep my sanity
i have never before said so many truths carelessly
like so many impulses exploding in the night sky
and in my words to those i'd lost
in the distance
i pretended
to be beautiful
bc my thoughts were ugly
and inverted and deformed
and they all complied
praising me
the fools
now i've returned
becoming strong
and falling weak
alternating with each minute
and again temporary
always here
always away
still temporary
always removd from grace
always longing for another place
never knowing how to express
that which lies at the deepest core
of me
always doubting that even i know what that core might be
always hoping desperately
that someone else might discover it
and reveal it to me
in all its truth
in all its beauty
in all its ugliness
hoping that i will be permanent for someone
long enuff
for him to find me
in my hidding place
bring me out
love me
in all my glory
in all my disgrace
he will need to be brave
he will need to persevere
he will need to sacrifice
and he will need to let me love him
the one i foolishly put all these expectations on
once upon a time
is nowhere near ready
and i suspect he longs for the same thing
and tho by circumstance he's permanent
by choice, he too is always temporary
so i still lie waiting in my hiding place
with pretensions of knowledge of a shifting future
still here
still away
always temporary
and still removd from grace
still throwing impulses to the sky
exploding in majestic colours
hoping they might light my way
through the shifting forms of my tomorows
so i can find that place
in the world
in my heart
in the eyes of another
where i exist
wholly
freely
permanently [comments] => 2 [counter] => 253 [topic] => 43 [informant] => me [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

removdfromgrace

Contributed by me on Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 03:21:35 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

since i cant say it i will write it
last year was difficult
i was poisoned w anger
i played the fool
i played insane
i said everything that came to mind
and made my words in riddles
to torture
myself
and those i blamed
all to keep my sanity
i have never before said so many truths carelessly
like so many impulses exploding in the night sky
and in my words to those i'd lost
in the distance
i pretended
to be beautiful
bc my thoughts were ugly
and inverted and deformed
and they all complied
praising me
the fools
now i've returned
becoming strong
and falling weak
alternating with each minute
and again temporary
always here
always away
still temporary
always removd from grace
always longing for another place
never knowing how to express
that which lies at the deepest core
of me
always doubting that even i know what that core might be
always hoping desperately
that someone else might discover it
and reveal it to me
in all its truth
in all its beauty
in all its ugliness
hoping that i will be permanent for someone
long enuff
for him to find me
in my hidding place
bring me out
love me
in all my glory
in all my disgrace
he will need to be brave
he will need to persevere
he will need to sacrifice
and he will need to let me love him
the one i foolishly put all these expectations on
once upon a time
is nowhere near ready
and i suspect he longs for the same thing
and tho by circumstance he's permanent
by choice, he too is always temporary
so i still lie waiting in my hiding place
with pretensions of knowledge of a shifting future
still here
still away
always temporary
and still removd from grace
still throwing impulses to the sky
exploding in majestic colours
hoping they might light my way
through the shifting forms of my tomorows
so i can find that place
in the world
in my heart
in the eyes of another
where i exist
wholly
freely
permanently

Copyright © me ... [ 2005-01-02 15:21:35]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: removdfromgrace (User Rating: 1 )
by faith_my_eyes on Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 03:32:22 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I thought this write was great. It is a raw, clear, thorough examination of self, a confession of fault, and resolve to do better... if only we more often would take off our blinders to see what is really there, dig beneath the layers of facade to face our own ugliness rather than hide it... thank you for the honesty. well done.

Re: removdfromgrace (User Rating: 1 )
by waos on Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 04:04:41 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

good job, this was a good write overall,
though there were parts i think could be
improved, the ending was amazing. my favorite
definitely.

you really took an honest look at yourself,
and i saw a lot of things that i've seen in me this
last year too. very honest, and it made me think.

good write,
waos

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