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Array ( [sid] => 77866 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Paradistic [time] => 2004-12-31 03:06:25 [hometext] => Don't know how to explain any of my writing for those interested in it... I don't feel too confident in it. [bodytext] => Don't leave me out in the fog tonight
She warps my world and reels in my dreams
The cold I can bear enough
But when her breath becomes bars
And this place turns into a prison
A black hole would be more inviting to me

Just take me to a place where whispers roam
Skating down the spines of the trees
And let the spinnerets of the sunrays form a tight bond around my soul
Have my eyes bind me forever to this light

In the storm that turns the desert into an oasis
I am born again
Light me up inside
Lips turning into fireflies
And forever light up my nights
[comments] => 1 [counter] => 174 [topic] => 48 [informant] => worldwise [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 17 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

Paradistic

Contributed by worldwise on Friday, 31st December 2004 @ 03:06:25 AM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

Don't leave me out in the fog tonight
She warps my world and reels in my dreams
The cold I can bear enough
But when her breath becomes bars
And this place turns into a prison
A black hole would be more inviting to me

Just take me to a place where whispers roam
Skating down the spines of the trees
And let the spinnerets of the sunrays form a tight bond around my soul
Have my eyes bind me forever to this light

In the storm that turns the desert into an oasis
I am born again
Light me up inside
Lips turning into fireflies
And forever light up my nights

Copyright © worldwise ... [ 2004-12-31 03:06:25]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Paradistic (User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on Friday, 31st December 2004 @ 05:29:57 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is very good. The "her breath becomes bars" line is fantastic.
The only thing I would do is use a different word than "black hole". It just feels distant in my head.
But hey... thats just me and I liked it overall. Great job! (^_^)v

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