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Array ( [sid] => 77038 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Jardiniere vase [time] => 2004-12-23 15:42:41 [hometext] => I never understood why we hide what we're feeling in the most crucial times that we should be sharing to others what you're going through. [bodytext] => I see through you
A heavy metaphor for pain
I've travled inside you
And all i've came to find was pain
Empty the moat now
You prove yourself to put out the flames
Only a smoke in between-
Every sweat shed in blood was from indifferent pain

An optimistic drug is in your hands
Just pull the trigger-release your finger
An oceanamonic journey to face
Just drink down the pill and pick up the pace

Your imagination is only distorted film
A sandbox filled with unusual playtime realms
That one memory that still stains your head
Is that one memory you wish would just leave instead
Now that you relized its just a game
You hurdle through substitutions to stay numb through days
And any fool like you would be in trouble too
Every silence or glare will corrupt your timid mood

I see through you
A heavy metaphor for pain
I've travled inside you
And all i've came to find was pain
Empty the moat now
You prove yourself to put out the flames
Only a smoke in between-
Every sweat shed in blood was from indifferent pain

An optimistic drug is in your hands
Just pull the trigger-release your finger
A lonley journey to face
When all you care about is counting down the days

I see through you
You've always been the same
No emotion detects if you can put out the flames
Only a smoke in between every indifference

[comments] => 2 [counter] => 178 [topic] => 39 [informant] => LevyMetal [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Grief )
Jardiniere vase

Contributed by LevyMetal on Thursday, 23rd December 2004 @ 03:42:41 PM in AEST
Topic: Grief



I see through you
A heavy metaphor for pain
I've travled inside you
And all i've came to find was pain
Empty the moat now
You prove yourself to put out the flames
Only a smoke in between-
Every sweat shed in blood was from indifferent pain

An optimistic drug is in your hands
Just pull the trigger-release your finger
An oceanamonic journey to face
Just drink down the pill and pick up the pace

Your imagination is only distorted film
A sandbox filled with unusual playtime realms
That one memory that still stains your head
Is that one memory you wish would just leave instead
Now that you relized its just a game
You hurdle through substitutions to stay numb through days
And any fool like you would be in trouble too
Every silence or glare will corrupt your timid mood

I see through you
A heavy metaphor for pain
I've travled inside you
And all i've came to find was pain
Empty the moat now
You prove yourself to put out the flames
Only a smoke in between-
Every sweat shed in blood was from indifferent pain

An optimistic drug is in your hands
Just pull the trigger-release your finger
A lonley journey to face
When all you care about is counting down the days

I see through you
You've always been the same
No emotion detects if you can put out the flames
Only a smoke in between every indifference





Copyright © LevyMetal ... [ 2004-12-23 15:42:41]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Jardiniere vase (User Rating: 1 )
by sicknivesevered on Thursday, 23rd December 2004 @ 04:21:06 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
This was nice, I liked the direction in which you're going. (^_^)v


Re: Jardiniere vase (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Thursday, 23rd December 2004 @ 04:35:58 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
excellent write. i have the answer to your question, because im the perfect example of it. but anyway, the first stanza was the second best in my mind because it just seemed like you were trying to rhyme the same word over and over, pain, beside flames, and that isnt true since this poem isnt meant to rhyme as much. your last stanza was the best in my opinion because it ties all the ideas together and is a strong ending. if you begin it strong, you must end it with power, and i think you did that quite well. keep posting. =]




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