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Array ( [sid] => 73794 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => The Buried Sin [time] => 2004-11-30 16:43:23 [hometext] => this was an attempt at switching to writing about a different topic than a broken heart.... please let me know how I did! [bodytext] => Trees are dying
Summer's Cold
And All the songbirds
Grow too old
Their song is silence
Frozen still
To preach of former,
Failing will
The sky is clouded
Doom foretold
Of those corrupted
By sinner's gold
Wrapping roots
Around their spine
To drag and drown
In lover's wine
Leaving icy
Hate and greed
Among their hearts
A blackened seed
Pull them down
To tangling Vines
Like dying hands
That intertwine
They pull you in
Breathe your good-bye
The last you'll see
Of a dreamer's sky
Give your life
For temporal fame
That's cast upon
A Devil's flame
Burn in turmoil
Taunting heat
You've come so far
Without defeat
And yet so simple
Is the task
To trip and fall
And fail at last
One wrong turn
The spinner's spun
Will wind you back
Where you've begun
Then all the words
You dreamed to speak
Won't help you now
Your hearts too weak
From all the hate
And evil sin
That made a man
Who couldn't win
For selfish, cold
Uncaring thought
Has left you with
Your fortune not
And while redemption
You might crave
You're living in
A deadman's grave
The earth will pull you
Deep inside
To hide your painful
Mocking pride
Then grow atop
Your body's bed
And flowers, trees
Shall hide the dead
Hide evil, wicked
In the ground
Just like the weight
Of a silent sound. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 156 [topic] => 13 [informant] => GurlyGirl [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

The Buried Sin

Contributed by GurlyGirl on Tuesday, 30th November 2004 @ 04:43:23 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Trees are dying
Summer's Cold
And All the songbirds
Grow too old
Their song is silence
Frozen still
To preach of former,
Failing will
The sky is clouded
Doom foretold
Of those corrupted
By sinner's gold
Wrapping roots
Around their spine
To drag and drown
In lover's wine
Leaving icy
Hate and greed
Among their hearts
A blackened seed
Pull them down
To tangling Vines
Like dying hands
That intertwine
They pull you in
Breathe your good-bye
The last you'll see
Of a dreamer's sky
Give your life
For temporal fame
That's cast upon
A Devil's flame
Burn in turmoil
Taunting heat
You've come so far
Without defeat
And yet so simple
Is the task
To trip and fall
And fail at last
One wrong turn
The spinner's spun
Will wind you back
Where you've begun
Then all the words
You dreamed to speak
Won't help you now
Your hearts too weak
From all the hate
And evil sin
That made a man
Who couldn't win
For selfish, cold
Uncaring thought
Has left you with
Your fortune not
And while redemption
You might crave
You're living in
A deadman's grave
The earth will pull you
Deep inside
To hide your painful
Mocking pride
Then grow atop
Your body's bed
And flowers, trees
Shall hide the dead
Hide evil, wicked
In the ground
Just like the weight
Of a silent sound.

Copyright © GurlyGirl ... [ 2004-11-30 16:43:23]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: The Buried Sin (User Rating: 1 )
by theMoth on Tuesday, 30th November 2004 @ 04:59:54 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i like that you chose to write about
something different.

It's good to not keep doing the same thing
all the time,
and to try something new.
I'm not familiar with your work,
but this is promising.

It looks long.
Know what I mean?
But I liked the substance.
Keep writing.

--Mothy

Re: The Buried Sin (User Rating: 1 )
by Live2Die on Tuesday, 30th November 2004 @ 05:11:38 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

It's a good poem and as Mothy said it's kewl you chose to write about something else, just happen to think this is a little....confusing. Or hard to follow. It's none the less a really good poem.

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