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Array
(
[sid] => 73522
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => please comment
[time] => 2004-11-28 22:51:41
[hometext] => this really isnt a poem but i know people on this site comment on others writings and i would like your comments (help)
[bodytext] => have you ever hated yourself? and i am not saying for one particular thing you have done. i mean for who you have become as a whole. what you look like, what you have done, what you are left with? your decisions to do or not to do. your decisions to do and then fail to do. to be faithful to yourself and your loved ones. well i think this way about myself a lot. see i have a girl back home and well, i love her more than i love myself. but can someone please explain to me why it is that i cant bring myself to prove my love to her and myself. to do what i know is right. and when i say that i mean to be in the physical shape that i know i can be in. to not drink as much as i do. to control my need to indulge in the unnessary and many of the times, the unhealthy things i do. for example i try to stay in shape and workout, but after working out for two hours i go home and get wasted to the point of blacking out. i mean i have drank so much and blacked out more times than i can remember. and as far as love goes. i love her some much but i still find myself looking and other women and wanting to be with them. why? and see i thought i was on the right path for a while. You see i became a marine, loss the weight, got some discpline in my life. but now a year into it i smoke again and have managed to gain a lot of the weight that i loss in bootcamp. what is wrong with me. i know what i want and how to achieve my goals but refuse to stick to them. refuse to be who i want to be. so if you could just comment on this and maybe give me some advice if there is any you guys can offer. thanks [comments] => 2 [counter] => 142 [topic] => 61 [informant] => co_cane13 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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