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Array ( [sid] => 73377 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Desperate [time] => 2004-11-27 21:36:34 [hometext] => Comments, Corrections, and Suggestions are welcome [bodytext] => Desperate she becomes
As the darkness creeps in
Along with the icy cold of the wind

Fog is starting to roll in
Covering everything in moisture
So that no one can hoist her

Light is comsumed by it
Leaving only grey
Trying to make people stay at bay

A heart grows cold
Not feeling as bold
As it pounds fast in the cavity of her chest

She does not know what has just taken place
As her mind begins to race
Searching for an explaination to this pace

She did not see his face
Only his the brace that he had around his left hand
As he began to bang loudly on her car door

Now she is alone and scarred
Knowing that he might not be barred
And seeing that her car is charred

She walks through the fog
Wishing she had a dog
with only her thoughts to bring her comfort

[comments] => 4 [counter] => 259 [topic] => 66 [informant] => Gothchyk [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => drugabuse )

Desperate

Contributed by Gothchyk on Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 09:36:34 PM in AEST
Topic: drugabuse

Desperate she becomes
As the darkness creeps in
Along with the icy cold of the wind

Fog is starting to roll in
Covering everything in moisture
So that no one can hoist her

Light is comsumed by it
Leaving only grey
Trying to make people stay at bay

A heart grows cold
Not feeling as bold
As it pounds fast in the cavity of her chest

She does not know what has just taken place
As her mind begins to race
Searching for an explaination to this pace

She did not see his face
Only his the brace that he had around his left hand
As he began to bang loudly on her car door

Now she is alone and scarred
Knowing that he might not be barred
And seeing that her car is charred

She walks through the fog
Wishing she had a dog
with only her thoughts to bring her comfort

Copyright © Gothchyk ... [ 2004-11-27 21:36:34]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Desperate (User Rating: 1 )
by Katie2008 on Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 09:51:12 PM AEST
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You're really talented, I like this a lot. The only suggestion I would make is to just think a bit more freely. Some of your rhymes seemed a bit forced. But it's really a wonderful poem. Great job!
Katie

Re: Desperate (User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on Saturday, 27th November 2004 @ 10:04:36 PM AEST
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wow, i love it, well done!!!

Re: Desperate (User Rating: 1 )
by Doriens_Picture on Monday, 20th December 2004 @ 11:20:55 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

great write well chosen words and well put together

Re: Desperate (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 10th January 2005 @ 06:04:04 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

great imagry! you captured it so well, this is very vivid. nicly done

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