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Array ( [sid] => 72963 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Burning Sweetly [time] => 2004-11-24 08:13:31 [hometext] => I want as much feedback on this poem as i can get. If you think it's great tell. If you think it sucked tell. I just realy want to know. [bodytext] => Burning sweetly
Soundly sleeping.
Eyes hidden
Slowly peeping.

Hail the shadows eyes of doom
Coming froth to fill your tomb.
Simple eyes and turning hand
Dragging you to the burning land!

Simple fire of desire
In your soul. Is not? Liar!
Hold on tight child of night
Do your fear your own sins bite?

Say your prayers on last time
When they end you will be mine.
As your tremble book in hand
The shadows come from the burning land

Burning sweetly
Soundly sleeping.
Eyes hidden
Slowly peeping
[comments] => 4 [counter] => 169 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Shadow [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Burning Sweetly

Contributed by Shadow on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:13:31 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Burning sweetly
Soundly sleeping.
Eyes hidden
Slowly peeping.

Hail the shadows eyes of doom
Coming froth to fill your tomb.
Simple eyes and turning hand
Dragging you to the burning land!

Simple fire of desire
In your soul. Is not? Liar!
Hold on tight child of night
Do your fear your own sins bite?

Say your prayers on last time
When they end you will be mine.
As your tremble book in hand
The shadows come from the burning land

Burning sweetly
Soundly sleeping.
Eyes hidden
Slowly peeping

Copyright © Shadow ... [ 2004-11-24 08:13:31]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Burning Sweetly (User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 08:25:33 AM AEST
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awesome dark write,

pixie xx

Re: Burning Sweetly (User Rating: 1 )
by OnAngelswings on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 09:10:45 AM AEST
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good write...thank God I am saved.....lol....Shari

Re: Burning Sweetly (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 03:19:45 PM AEST
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Its ok. The rhyme scheme isn't bad, but your spelling needs work. Perhaps you could have made the concept a bit more complex, by characterising the 'child of night', and which sins were made and why . . . but that's up to you.

Keep writing.

Re: Burning Sweetly (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Wednesday, 24th November 2004 @ 09:07:30 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i agree with neps. excellent write with much potential.

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