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Array ( [sid] => 72396 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Drip drop [time] => 2004-11-20 11:03:47 [hometext] => The poem abruptly stops at the end, which is kinda confusing, but I wanted it this way...its exactly the way all good things end [bodytext] => I'm walking down this empty road
Borderlined with golden leaves
Passing children in their beds
While drip drops plummet in the breeze

Knife-cold chill pierces my corpse
Numbing it from all of my pain
Making my head feel buoyant and free
Giving me no reason to complain

Suddenly my body starts floating up
Soaring to the dark sky
I look down at all my family and friends
As over the world I fly

I see my Mum and Dad over there
I wave at them and beam
I let the thrill rush through my veins
As I fulfil my long-life dream

I collect together all my feelings
Place it deep and lock it in tight
I close my eyes and enjoy the moment
As I do whats impossible: flight

The sensation of wind blowing in my hair
Stimluates me...bang, crack, stop
The world is glazed with crimson red
As I hear the sound of drip drop


[comments] => 3 [counter] => 165 [topic] => 14 [informant] => Kitty_cat [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DreamsandWishes )
Drip drop

Contributed by Kitty_cat on Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 11:03:47 AM in AEST
Topic: DreamsandWishes



I'm walking down this empty road
Borderlined with golden leaves
Passing children in their beds
While drip drops plummet in the breeze

Knife-cold chill pierces my corpse
Numbing it from all of my pain
Making my head feel buoyant and free
Giving me no reason to complain

Suddenly my body starts floating up
Soaring to the dark sky
I look down at all my family and friends
As over the world I fly

I see my Mum and Dad over there
I wave at them and beam
I let the thrill rush through my veins
As I fulfil my long-life dream

I collect together all my feelings
Place it deep and lock it in tight
I close my eyes and enjoy the moment
As I do whats impossible: flight

The sensation of wind blowing in my hair
Stimluates me...bang, crack, stop
The world is glazed with crimson red
As I hear the sound of drip drop






Copyright © Kitty_cat ... [ 2004-11-20 11:03:47]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Drip drop (User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 11:05:00 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
a very intresting and great write, I like the sudden stop of the last stanza, made it powerful,

pixie xx


Re: Drip drop (User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 11:44:47 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
fluid is the flow...The sensation of wind blowing
that's sooooo beautiful.

The Wind


Re: Drip drop (User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on Sunday, 21st November 2004 @ 09:02:58 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
I like the way you've concluded this piece... continuing on would have lessened it somehow, I think. I agree with Pixie - the ending is powerful as is. Though... you probably already knew that. : )

This is an interesting piece. I'm intrigued by how it moves along from it's gentle opening to the later "bang, crack, stop". Well done!

- SNM




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