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Array ( [sid] => 72187 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => I rock myself to sleep [time] => 2004-11-18 20:31:02 [hometext] => Comments please [bodytext] => I rock myself to sleep. Gently swaying back and forth until I feel the pressure relax from my tense muscles. The stress of making it through another day has to be dealt with so I can go to sleep. The night sounds come in to haunt me when I am in a half awake half asleep state. The monsters come in and whisper their lies. They tell me I am bad and that it is my fault they come. They make the floor boards creak and the closed door squeak when it opens. I stare at the light under the closed door until I feel entranced by it. Will he come and break the light? Can I stay awake long enough to know when he is here? If I am awake I can raise up in my bed and he will run away. If I fall asleep he will stand over me in the dark room. I will wake up with his hands on me. I hate him! I wish he would die! Why does he torture me? What did I do to deserve this horrible way of living. I would rather die than to try to stay awake and pretend. I hate pretending to be a normal little girl during the day and knowing I am not a normal little girl during the night. I am used and I don’t think I do anything to make him think I want him to come to my room at night. I hate it! I want to run away. I know if I tell that I will be punished and blamed. I know he will lie and make them believe I am lying. He gets to walk around happy every day while I walk around wishing I could die.
[comments] => 2 [counter] => 169 [topic] => 6 [informant] => lovewithoutend [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )

I rock myself to sleep

Contributed by lovewithoutend on Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 08:31:02 PM in AEST
Topic: AngryPoetry

I rock myself to sleep. Gently swaying back and forth until I feel the pressure relax from my tense muscles. The stress of making it through another day has to be dealt with so I can go to sleep. The night sounds come in to haunt me when I am in a half awake half asleep state. The monsters come in and whisper their lies. They tell me I am bad and that it is my fault they come. They make the floor boards creak and the closed door squeak when it opens. I stare at the light under the closed door until I feel entranced by it. Will he come and break the light? Can I stay awake long enough to know when he is here? If I am awake I can raise up in my bed and he will run away. If I fall asleep he will stand over me in the dark room. I will wake up with his hands on me. I hate him! I wish he would die! Why does he torture me? What did I do to deserve this horrible way of living. I would rather die than to try to stay awake and pretend. I hate pretending to be a normal little girl during the day and knowing I am not a normal little girl during the night. I am used and I don’t think I do anything to make him think I want him to come to my room at night. I hate it! I want to run away. I know if I tell that I will be punished and blamed. I know he will lie and make them believe I am lying. He gets to walk around happy every day while I walk around wishing I could die.

Copyright © lovewithoutend ... [ 2004-11-18 20:31:02]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: I rock myself to sleep (User Rating: 1 )
by sandy_poetrygodslove on Thursday, 18th November 2004 @ 08:37:19 PM AEST
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And as you keep your mouth shut, he returns. and returns. and makes your life a living hell. please tell he has made you feel that he will hurt you if you tell. you know in your heart you should. tell your mom. tell somone at school. but then i know the feeling deep inside. you love the man that comes in your room really deep inside you do and you don't want to tell because he will get into trouble. I know the feeling I also told. sandy.

Re: I rock myself to sleep (User Rating: 1 )
by HOLDINGON on Saturday, 20th November 2004 @ 02:33:35 AM AEST
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I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH ,I FELT THE SAME NIGHTMARE VISIT ME EVERY NIGHT FOR 7 LONG YEARS OF MY CHILDHOOD IF YOU DON'T STOP IT NO ONE WILL STOP IT FOR YOU . YOU ARE NOT THE BAD PERSON HE IS YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG I HAVE KEPT MY NIGHTMARE TO MYSELF FOR OVER 25 YEARS NOW . I NOW HAVE TO LIVE RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO MY BROTHER WITH A DAILY REMINDER OF WHAT HE DID TO ME ALLL BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT ANY ONE WOULD BELEIVE ME . HE MADE ME THINK THAT I WAS THE DIRTY ONE . DON'T LET HIM RUIN WHAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER YOU . LET SOMEONE KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU. IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING NOW YOU END UP HATING WHO YOU ARE . BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT WHO WOULD WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME AFTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME . DON'T ROCK YOURSELF TO SLEEP TONIGHT GET UP AND SCREAM LET IT BE HEARD THAT HE WILL NOT EVER HURT YOU AGAIN. YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE ONE WHO WALKS AROUND HAPPY BECAUSE YOU TOOK CONTROL BACK OF YOUR BODY , MIND AND SPIRIT. FROM HOLDINGON

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