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Array
(
[sid] => 70987
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Goodbye
[time] => 2004-11-10 18:01:39
[hometext] => Dedicated (to my mom...)<33 RIP. This is like stream of conciousness(ish)...
[bodytext] => Emptiness here... in my life. Nothing besides it, nothing to fill the gap. Like nothing I've ever felt before. This excruciating pain lies inside of me; It won't go away... Destroying me - physically and mentally. Won't cease to bother me... just calling out to me, festering within. Lonliness is me now, something I never thought I'd have to go through.. I always thought of being lonely as something that happened to 'that other person'.... 'That other person' where everything went wrong for them... That's me now... Me... and nobody understands it. I still don't believe that you've left me, it's all too fresh, all to new. The wounds still bleed, still sting. It still hurts me to think about losing you, because I know that death is Irrevocable. I keep on thinking you'll walk in the door any moment, with that familiar smile of yours... So loving, so warm... Gone now. Forever. Hard to picture your body six feet under when I still believe you're alive. Sometimes I face reality, and I know you're gone... But most of the time I still believe. Now all I have are memories, some real, and some made up... All I can think about is you, you're even in my dreams - alive and well, with no sickness sweeping over you. You're so alive in those dreams... They're so realistic I could almost hear your voice, see your face, touch your skin... It crushes me to wake up, all cold inside, only to have reality crash into me... It's cold here without you, cold without your guidance, your persistant kindness... And now you're not here... You're gone... Life... it doesn't seem real anymore. Everything I do just seems so fake. My happiness is an act. Have I truly smiled? There has not been a day these past months where I haven't cried. Cried for the love of you leaving, cried for the cruelty of life. I'm tired of this, I'm so tired. Of everything, everything imaginable. Goodbye, it's time I've come to face the truth... Whether or not I am ready... and maybe I'll see you sometime soon. Goodbye for now. [comments] => 7 [counter] => 194 [topic] => 48 [informant] => cocacola1331 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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