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Array ( [sid] => 70820 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => untitled [time] => 2004-11-09 16:10:10 [hometext] => more crap..i think i lost my drive [bodytext] => alas oh fallen angel
sweet sweet angel
you fell like the rest of us

poor bloody dove
you had no wings
how were you to know

alas oh fallen angel
sweet fallen angel
you'll fly free soon

you fell like castle walls
every kingdom crumbles
the rubble's all we have for the trouble

you're looking up missing home
breaking up breaking up
you fell like the rest of us

but there's a long way down [comments] => 3 [counter] => 167 [topic] => 43 [informant] => TaintedOptomist [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

untitled

Contributed by TaintedOptomist on Tuesday, 9th November 2004 @ 04:10:10 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

alas oh fallen angel
sweet sweet angel
you fell like the rest of us

poor bloody dove
you had no wings
how were you to know

alas oh fallen angel
sweet fallen angel
you'll fly free soon

you fell like castle walls
every kingdom crumbles
the rubble's all we have for the trouble

you're looking up missing home
breaking up breaking up
you fell like the rest of us

but there's a long way down

Copyright © TaintedOptomist ... [ 2004-11-09 16:10:10]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on Tuesday, 9th November 2004 @ 07:00:28 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

If this is losing your drive---I can only pray the same thing happens to me. I really, REALLY liked this poem alot. It had a lyrical feel to it and you wrapped up the ending with an enormous surge I thought.

Title ideas---

"Wingless Angel"

"Fallen"

Your poem is good and it is something to be proud of. I think you still have your drive.

Kie

Re: untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by TaintedOptomist on Wednesday, 10th November 2004 @ 04:51:20 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i screwed up a line here it is correctly

alas oh fallen angel
sweet sweet angel
you fell like the rest of us

poor bloody dove
you had no wings
how were you to know

alas oh fallen angel
sweet fallen angel
you'll fly free soon

you fell like castle walls
every kingdom crumbles
the rubble's all we have for the trouble

you're looking up missing home
breaking up breaking out
you fell like the rest of us

but there's a long way down

Re: untitled (User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on Tuesday, 17th January 2006 @ 05:53:07 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i love that first stanza, it just grabs you and pulls you in. that's hard to do. the quality continues through the rest of the poem, which, again, is hard to do.
I loved this!

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