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Array
(
[sid] => 70808
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I CAN'T DIE FOR YOU, BUT I'M DIEING OVER YOU!
[time] => 2004-11-09 15:19:21
[hometext] => It’s a teary subject, well for me any how. I’m sticking round for this boy, who emotionally is keeping me together inside, only, he doesn’t love me, but I’m court up in it all, and it’s breaking me on top of every thing else! Please comment on here.
[bodytext] => These emotions here don’t hold any sense. So I don’t see how, I’m meant to rest my head. Does life really want me, pushed over the edge? Does life really think that I’m better off dead? I tried telling my best friend he wouldn’t see me again. I made it in a phone call so I wouldn’t face his teary head. I felt so small I couldn’t even begin! I cried for being a coward and stared down at my fresh slits. His voice was soft on the other end. It was understanding! It cared. He spoke his words which captured my head. I can’t kill my-self! I can’t frickin do it! Then I explained about Richard, it was the hardest thing to do. Explaining to a boy, another boy gave me sexual abuse. It felt wrong telling him, it left me feeling confused. And now he thinks I should face Richard, he said “What’s the worse he could do?” That boy is the one from my pleasant dreams. He’s caring and truthful, but don’t under stand me. We’re not going out but he keeps me warm. Just his voice steer’s me through the storm… Before, I HAVE tried, to say how I feel. Say how his voice makes me feel real. Say how his touch makes me know I am loved. Say how our friendship, just isn’t enough! … But in the end I kept silent, and blocked it away. WE’RE NOT GOING OUT! And there’s no more to say. I wouldn’t make a good girl friend, I’m too ***** up inside. And only for so long, I can pretend things are alright. … So I guess in the end, he’s better off with out me. ‘Coz I don’t wanna break him, but I’ll do it any way. It’s who I am, it’s why my friends don’t stay. I’m too broken for him, I’m too damaged, too stained. … But he’s such a nice boy! At I love him to bits. He holds me inside. And it feels so nice. But it isn’t alright! ‘Coz I’m all wrong for him. But I’m court in this ride… And I feel so grim. So I need to take my life. But I can’t for him… But I don’t feel alive… And it’s all wearing thin… [comments] => 3 [counter] => 183 [topic] => 48 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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